#i'm having a real normal one about this show
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My dad was able to explain fear and how to work through it so well that I apparently rationalized and created my own coping mechanisms for my OCD and didn't realize I actually had the disorder until I was 30.
No one can touch my room. I sound like a teenager saying this and in college I didn't actually care, but in my teenage years and when living in certain unsafe homes, I would have a goddamn break down if this was not listened to.
My life was high stress at one point, like HIGH STRESS. My brain redirected this to having utter and complete control of my room. One day, while I was at camp, my mom moved a stack of games from one shelf to another because she thought it would look nice. I came back, saw the change, and broke down sobbing, curled in a ball on my floor for twenty minutes. I had to move it back. I then moved it again to the same location later because she was right. It looked better that way. The problem was that I had to be the one to do it.
I knew it would change when I left home and I was right. I didn't care as much. The stress and the danger was gone from my life for the most part so the coping went away too. Fast forward to when I'm 30 and I move back into a high stress environment. My mom borrowed my sewing kit BY ACCIDENT. I was helping her with a craft project and apparently put it in the bag for her to take to work with her. She got back, unloaded it, and I found the kit. Out of order. It was a pretty raggedy thing in a ten-year-old plastic Ziploc with safety scissors and scraps of cloth. I had duct tape on the bag to cover the holes in it. But: The needles were out of order. The scissors were in the needle and stray-thread tin. There was a stray, white thread just floating around.
I stared. I hadn't had a breakdown in ten years. I told myself it was fine. I tapped my fingers on the table. Made a weird noise. Finally muffled a scream. Slammed my fist on the table to get the feeling of STRESS out. It didn't work. My brother asked what was wrong and I told him nothing because I KNEW it wasn't serious. I ended up in a ball on the floor trying not to sob as I told myself it didn't matter.
My mom apologized to me when she found me and I told her she didn't need to and that it wasn't her fault because I knew it wasn't. I was likely the one that had put it in there. I was still crying. It took me FIFTEEN minutes to be able to even look at it and fix it. I tried around ten minutes and I had to look away and stamp my feet to get the horrible feeling out and not cry. I was antsy for the next hour even after I fixed it. It doesn't even bother me to think about it now, four days later, but at the time I wanted to dig my nails into my own skin and make myself bleed just to distract myself from the feeling.
It was just a slightly messy sewing kit.
I never show signs otherwise. I check for my wallet, phone, and keys when I'm out several times but that's not all that odd. I've lost things before and am an expert at finding them. I guess I wash my hands a lot but I have dogs and I don't like getting sick. That's it.
My dad taught me that the repeating voice in my head that tells me everyone finds me annoying isn't real and that if you don't try that you'll never even know otherwise. He taught me how to identify what the fear looked like and what it was and how to call it a liar. Once I knew what to call it and what it was, I knew it was never who *I* was. It was normal to be scared and if other people could fight it then so could I.
[He taught me a lot actually. He taught me how to recognize social queues and what they meant. I got shouted at a lot as a child for not being able to react to them properly even if I saw them. Pretty sure the man is ND in some way and just found a super positive way to cope, which he passed down to me.]
I am still not normal, likely never will be, but I've been told so many times that no one would ever guess that I suppose I slot right in here. I didn't know it was actually called OCD until I was 30 and talking to another friend that had been diagnosed and thought 'that... sounds familiar.'
fuck it. shout out to "high functioning" neurodivergents
the ones who can mask easily, the ones who can get social cues, the ones who have managed to go most of their life not even knowing they were ND because they didn't present as the stereotypical ND person.
the ones who can pay attention in class, understand social etiquette, who understand societial expectations
the ones who don't feel neurodivergent enough bc they don't struggle in the same ways/areas a lot of NDs do, or they can't relate to other NDs' experiences because they always understood these things easily
the ones with high empathy, the ones who DO get the joke, the ones who are constantly told that they can't possibly be neurodivergent because they don't act like what you'd expect a neurodivergent person to act like.
you are neurodivergent enough. you are valid, and so are your experiences. not struggling as much as others do in some places doesn't mean you dont struggle at all. your condition and diagnosis is valid. your symptoms are valid. YOU ARE VALID. not checking all the supposed boxes doesn't mean you aren't neurodivergent. you are enough. you are valid. you are loved. you are valued. you matter. you belong in neurodivergent spaces, you deserve to use whatever resources are available to you, you are allowed to take up space in these communities. and i am so, so proud of you.
feel free to, and actually, i encourage you to reblog this with your experiences. we belong in this community as much as anyone else. please also tag this w/ any neurodivergent conditions i may have forgotten 💙
since this is getting lots of notes I'd like to add, even if you're undiagnosed or maybe self diagnosed, for whatever reason, (i.e. can't get access to a diagnosis, not being taken seriously, or just not wanting an official diagnosis, etc.) this still applies to you. actually especially to you folks. don't think for a second you're not valid just bc you don't have the paperwork or whatever to say it
#OCD#I taught all my ND friends how to deal with fear and anxiety because I thought it was normal#and that literally everyone dealt with the weird horrible thoughts that I did#I could defrentiate between 'wow that's a horrible weird thing to think' and 'this is not reality so it doesn't matter'#like fear matters#but not if it stops you from anything else#being sacred of being bit by a rattlesnake while hiking in AL is normal#assuming you're going to randomly murder children is not#I've had both thoughts
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you're my best friend | lewis hamilton | [1/3]
social media au. black!actress!reader
summary — you and lewis have been the best of friends for years but the world thinks there might be something more. until....
face claim — taylor russell | song — you are in love by taylor swift (taylor's version)
warnings — fluff (for now, more angst in the future lol), inconsistent timeline, lmk what else i missed
author's note — as always pls ignore the dates, time, likes, rts etc i really can't be bothered to change them 😭😭
all pictures taken from pinterest. credit to owners.
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tagged ynln
lewishamilton happy birthday to the girl who always puts the biggest smile on my face. i love you sweetheart.
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user1 the caption is so fucking insane lmfao
user2 show this post to someone who doesn't know who they are and i bet that person will most definitely that they're dating
user3 user2 ???? are friends not allowed to wish each other happy birthday now or did i miss something
user2 user3 not with that kind of caption no you don't lmfao
francolapinto happy birthday ynln !
ynln francolapinto thank you franco!! ❤️❤️
user4 they're just friends yall they've been friends for years pls
user2 user4 uh huh yeah sure jane
user5 user2 maybe don't speculate about real people's personal life??
user2 user5 can't i'm too nosy
user5 user2 ok yk what what's kinda valid
user6 thank god they're just friends actually cause otherwise the age gap would be insane
user7 user6 1) none of your business if they're dating or not 2) she's a grown 30 year old woman???? istg why can't yall just let ppl be happy
chappellroan happy birthday baddie
ynln chappellroan *totally not freaking out that my fave singer just wished my happy birthday* thank u queen!!
user8 ynln bestie that is SO real of u
ynln you're extra sappy today
lewishamilton ynln it's your birthday of course i'm sappy. i'm always sappy for you.
ynln lewishamilton loser
lewishamilton ynln just for you
user9 ynln lewishamilton i'm gonna jump off a cliff
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ynln i was lucky to have been there during your glory days, but i think i was even luckier to get to support you through one of the most difficult moments in your career and maybe even your life back in 2021 because i know that those dark days would not last forever. i hope you know that you deserve every bit of this win, my darling angel. i love you so much lewishamilton.
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user1 i feel so normal about this caption
user2 what kind of friends call each other sweetheart and my darling angel
user3 user2 ikr like atp they're def oblivious
user4 user3 or maybe they're just scared to confess bcs they don't want to ruin their friendship
user5 user2 there's no way that they're dating like have u guys seen his dating history? he likes older women (nicole, shakira). yn is only 30. maybe they really are just friends
user6 user5 yeah now that u mention her age...... kinda weird to ship them idk
user7 user6 girl she's a grown ass adult woman tf are u on about 😭😭
zendaya send my congrats to him ❤️❤️
ynln zendaya i will!!
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— thank you for reading! part 2 is coming soon <33 as always reblogs and feedbacks are always appreciated!!
#formula 1#formula one#formula 1 x reader#formula 1 x you#formula 1 x oc#formula 1 x y/n#formula 1 x female reader#formula 1 x black!reader#formula 1 x actress!reader#lewis hamilton x reader#lewis hamilton#lewis hamilton x black!reader#f1#f1 smau#f1 x reader#f1 x you#f1 x female reader#f1 x oc#f1 imagine#f1 x black!reader#smau#social media au
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Bat Matt (Dorky Batman Short)
@sunrisemill Post led to
@sturniolosfan1902 comment about a dorky matt fic which led to
@m4vestu encouraging me to write it
SO HERE WE ARE:
"I'm not doing it." You shook your head from side to side.
"Babe, please. I need to save you." Matt begged desperately for you to fulfill his fantasy. You looked into his bright blue eyes. You knew you failed the minute you sighed. "Yes!" He triumphed as he ran to put on his dark clothes. You smiled a little to yourself because you loved seeing him excited. He was always quiet so when he showed enthusiasm about something it tugged on your heartstrings. "Where is your eyeliner?" He called from the bathroom.
"Why do you need -"
"Don't question me!" He interrupted you.
"It's in the left drawer." You shook your head. You continued scrolling your phone while you heard him shuffling around.
"Honey, where's my super suit?" He quoted The Incredibles movie.
"Matt, really?" You regretted caving in.
"You're right, wrong movie." He agreed.
Within minutes, Matt was standing in the doorway with his head held low. His clothes were all black and baggy. His hair was flopped over his eyes. You saw why he needed your eyeliner, to black out his eye sockets. His jaw looked even thinner as he leaned up against the doorway.
"That didn't take long." You giggled. You weren't entirely sure what you were signing up for tonight but you were here to make your boyfriend happy.
"To the bat mobile." He huffed in a deep voice. You stood up off of his bed and walked past him. He let you through only so that he could squeeze your butt when you did.
"Matt, that's not very Batman of you." You jumped a little surprised.
"Do you wanna fight some bad guys with me?" He whispered in your ear. You sighed and walked to the garage with Matt sulking behind you. You got in the car and waited for him to join you.
"Babe can you film me driving real quick for a video." He asked in his normal voice.
"Sure." You took his phone and unlocked it. You opened up his Snapchat and started filming. "Okay. Go." He immediately was in character and started rizzing up the camera. He looked at you but not directly at the camera. He ran this thumb over his jawline while holding a serious look on his face. You hated to admit it but he looked really good.
"Got it all?" He was back to being Matt.
"Yeah. It's good." You didn't want to tell him how good because you didn't want it going to his head. He parked the car near a park and you both got out. "What do you need me to do?" Even though it was the middle of the night you were embarrassed to be doing this.
"They think I'm hiding in the shadows, I am the shadows." He huffed not answering you. You walked away to go over to the play set. He followed you for a few steps and then randomly started sprinting.
"Matt!" You eeked scared.
"I am Vengeance." He didn't turn to look back at you. The park wasn't lit up very well so with him in the all-black costume he became harder to make out in the distance.
"Matt?" Your voice was a little shaky from real nerves. He was gone. "Matt, where are you?" You knew what you had to say to get him to come back but you didn't want to. After looking around and trying to find him you gave in. "Help, Help. Please someone help me." You playfully begged. Matt dropped down from one of the play sets right in front of you. You lurched backward unprepared for his body falling from the sky.
"The city needs me." He gruffed. He then proceeded to punch the air around you.
"Thank you for saving me." You would like to be able to say you haven't done this before but unfortunately, Matt had talked you into this before so you knew what he wanted. "How can I ever thank you without knowing your name?" You asked to play the part.
"I'm... Batman." He growled slowly.
"Thank you so much." You pretend to swoon over your dark savior. "How do you do this every night?" You put your hand over your forehead.
"All men have limits. I ignore mine." He scoffed and kissed your cheek before walking off. You knew he was living his best life when he was living his "double life." You sat on a swing and started scrolling your phone while you watched him lurk in the darkness. Every once in a while you saw a black figure move and you heard his breathy mumble say some catchphrase.
"Bat Matt, I'm getting cold." You hollered out.
"The city needs me." He said right behind you.
"Fuck!" You jumped and fell out of the swing unprepared to have his dark voice in your ear.
"Babe -" He shook his head to reset his voice. "Babe, are you okay?" Matt was back.
"I'm fine can we just go home now? It got way too cold to be out here."
"Batman doesn't -"
"I know but this damsel in distress does." You rubbed your arms. He took off his puffy black jacket and wrapped it around you.
"Don't ruin my cape." He said seriously.
"Matt, it's a jacket." You looked at his stern face to see how serious he was. You made it to the car and slid inside. He turned on the heat he didn't drive right away to let the heat blast on you for a few minutes.
"Better?" He looked at you with puppy dog eyes hidden behind the dark black that was now smeared.
"Uh-huh." You nodded. He started driving and this time even though he wasn't doing the angsty look he still was extremely hot to you. When you walked in the front door Chris and Nick were hanging out in the living room together.
"Nice costume," Nick said slowly with a wide smile.
"What costume?" He was back in character flawlessly.
"Woah." Chris and Nick both got up and came over to check him out.
"This is insane." Chris chuckled. Matt started shadowboxing him.
"Where's the Joker?" Matt grabbed Chris' collar.
"Calm down killer." Chris shoved his hands off of him. I smiled at him having a second go at Bruce Wayne's Character.
"If you kill a killer, the number of killers in the world will remain the same."
"Oh. My. God. You are actually kind of good at that." Nick pulled out his phone to record him. I rolled my eyes knowing this was going to go to his head so much faster with his brothers encouraging him.
"My parent's death shaped me into who I am today." Nick moved around him getting all the angles for the video. I stayed in the background letting them have their moment. I also knew not to be in the video because then he couldn't post it.
"I can't believe you let him role-play as Batman still. Halloween was like three weeks ago." Chris nudged my shoulder. I just shook my head as we watched him jump off the back of the couch.
"I just want to see him happy." You sighed out with a big smile.
"The city needs me." He looked directly at you.
"Bat Matt, I didn't say anything." You were confused.
"Even with my mask on, you’re the one who sees the real me underneath." He trudged over to you and picked you up. You suddenly knew what he wanted.
"To the cave?" You asked lifting one eyebrow.
"To the bat cave." He turned off the living room lights on Nick and Chris as he took you back to his room.
#matt sturniolo#sturniolo triplets#sturniolos#sturniolowattpad#matt stuniolo fanfic#matt sturniolo imagine#matthew sturniolo#batman matt#batmatt#matthew bernard sturniolo#matthew sturniolo short#matthew sturniolo batman#matthew dorky batman
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Seeing the ads encouraging women to lie to their husbands about who they voted for and seeing personal stories from the women who grew up in the culture where that is normal is making me really really really sad for them.
Earlier tonight the spousal person made the tea and he brought out a few snacks for consuming while we watched kdramas, and I was so full from the shrimp parmigiana that I said I only wanted one of the Nerds gummy clusters. He said that he'd have a couple too and I was like oh, I didn't know you liked them. He said oh yeah, that's always been a shared thing.
And at that word "shared" I was overcome with this feeling of warmth and happiness and I was like "Yay let's share everything! Let's think of more things to share! I like sharing wooooo!"
It's just...the best parts of my days are when we get home from work and I hug him and kiss him and I ask him how his day was, and then when we go to bed and snuggle and he rubs my back while we talk about the kdramas and other things. Oooh and also when we finish the drinks and all and I say "Yay it's closey time!" and I lean back into him and I hold his arm on my chest while we watch the shows. And I can say anything I think or feel to him and know that I'm safe, that he'll understand, that he'll always be here and he'll always listen and he'll always be safe. I mean, it's been 25 years with him so far so there's probably not any surprises coming at this point.
I can't imagine feeling terrified of the person you're the most intimate with. Knowing that they don't see you as a full person, that you have to hide your very self from them, that they hate you and they want you to die if you're pregnant and there's a complication....and then thinking of how you get pregnant. Like I cannot imagine being that close and intimate with someone who doesn't care about me at all, who doesn't see me as real.
It has to be soul-killing. It has to be far more traumatic than my mother's rages when I was growing up.
I really really hope that eventually these women can get out and away and be safe and eventually find themselves and find joy. I hope that so hard for them.
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Minnie! I'm super excited for this one! Just settled in with my samoosas and tea and am ready to inhale this!
Tokyo HUNTER ACADEMY. (Rubs hands). I can already tell that the world building will be strong with this one.
Oh my GOD. MINNIE. The details of the backdrop you've given for this story. This is ... everything I want in a fanfic. This feels like sitting down and reading a fantasy dystopian novella. The way you've woven political power imbalances, capitalism, public relations and the overarching influence of technological development into this is incredibly well-thought out.
When the reader speaks about returning to a hunter's life, the longing for change and embracing the nostalgia and danger of this lifestyle, I'm strongly reminded of Nanami. The way you describe their meeting, after all this time, with the taste of cherry cola in her mouth, is ... I'm not normal about this. It's a fantastic form of capturing an old feeling that never died.
I'm supposed to be writing this review as I read each section, but this is SO HARD. I haven't felt this way while reading a fic in a while. Your style and the way you craft words is beautiful and reads like something absolutely of the quality to be published. It reminds me of the fics I read as a teenager that made me dream, transported me to another reality and stayed with me for days after.
Okay, enough rambling. The sequence set in 2006 is so nostalgic and really brings to mind the awkwardness of teenage years, the unbreakable friendships that form from such tenuous threads, the tension of unspoken feelings. Even considering what these kids have at stake, and the tragedy that will inevitably strike, I can't help but feel that you've captured the tenderness and sweetness of youth, of halcyon days cut short all too quickly, the pain of loss and the innocence stolen when the real world intrudes on our little bubble of peace. Also, the way you executed their little quiz as a means of introducing some of the lore about Bloodborn and Turned vampires was great.
Regarding adult Nanami, I always love how you write him. He's so understated, so literally difficult to read, so contained, that those moments when he shows passion, anger and remorse shine all the brighter.
The flashback to the 1870's is perfectly placed in the narrative. It gives a taste of foreshadowing, while also showcasing the poignancy of those who have to survive the harsh system of turning vs eradication, those who simply want to live simple lives in spite of what they are. Thinking about who her ancestors are later, and the parallels you create in the final scene with Nanami, this scene really stands out in my mind.
Also, yes, there was foreshadowing, but damn. I didn't see the majority of those plot points coming. When she discovers the report, I also gasped, lol. The way you build up the plot, taking into account such little details, like the manner by which Nanami gets his blood and WHY he'd be starving at that point, is what I truly appreciate.
"It was hard to pinpoint the exact moment when breaking down Nanami’s barriers became synonymous with breaking his resolve." I absolutely LOVE this line. It rings so true for his character. Most of the walls that Nanami erects are emotional ones, but even in the series, you start to realise over time, that they aren't really impenetrable. Nanami, in spite of his stoicism, is one of the most humane characters, his drive and zeal to perform his duty arising from this very aspect of his personality. He knows, better than anyone, the value of human life. This is what you've shown so clearly in your depiction of him.
And that leads me to the love scene between them. Utter poetry. The symbolism every step of the way was incredible. The exchange of blood, the feeding on each other, is so representative of the final barriers coming down between them. No more distance. No more half truths. No more concealing their true natures. And the flow of emotion that finally occurs, when they finally realise that dancing around each other is futile because the feelings they have for each other are so unavoidable, is wonderful.
The way you've used blood imagery in this scene is also inspired. The blood is almost a metaphor for this complete exchange, for the sealing of the bond between them. The weight of it is unmistakeable.
"You were not thinking clearly when you sunk your teeth right where the faded scars were, in an untenable attempt to draw out pain more than blood." THIS LINE. This sort of encapsulates their entire relationship. She always wanted to share his pain, to take on those burdens, to free him from the curse of his own guilt over Haibara, so the symbolism of this action is incredibly heartwrenching.
"Your bodies moved in tandem, a decade of longing that took classmates to fire-forged partners to blood-bound lovers, manifested in the most tender dance you’d engage in that night ... " This entire paragraph made me hold my breath. This is why I love your writing so much. The way you capture emotion, turn it over from every angle for the benefit of the reader, it's like your writing is a diamond that's being held up for inspection, and it never misses.
The final scene is such a catharsis, and a reflection back to the scene in the 1870's. It's not just about their duty to Haibara. It's about the step taken to acknowledge their own connection, the fact that they are bound together by so much more than the desire for revenge. I think this theme stood out for me most clearly in this story, the breaking of barriers and the strengthening and acknowledgement of bonds that run so deep in our blood. It works so well with a character like Nanami, who never wears his heart on his sleeve, but offers it up so readily for those he cares about.
Thank you, Minnie, for such an immersive and incredible read. I truly felt like I had been transported to my early days of reading fanfic and had to stop a few times to process the scenes and appreciate your writing. 🧡🧡🧡🧡
Title: Crimson Vows Pairing: Nanami Kento x f!reader (Vampire AU) Summary: An ocean, a tragic death, and a plethora of unanswered questions. For over a decade, these are the things that keep you separated from Nanami Kento. When presented with the opportunity to support the efforts in Tokyo to investigate and stymie the latest surge of Special Grade vampires, you're compelled to leave your life overseas and rejoin the Tokyo Hunter Academy's ranks as a vampire Hunter, only to find yourself paired on a mission with Nanami, a reunion that sets you both onto life-altering paths. Content warnings: 18+/MDNI, blood, blood-drinking, violence, language, biting, mature themes, graphic sexual content. Content tags: Vampire AU, romance, hunting/investigation missions, action sequences, angsty/hurt/comfort plot with smut, comfort sex, mentions of death, processing of grief, power dynamics, brief allusions to mind control, POC!reader. A/N: This fic is part of the Spookinky event. Thanks to @tsukimefuku for hosting! Thank you @espace--positif for helping me with reviewing and for the banner! [Also on AO3]
“Can you show me the one with incendiary rounds again?” you asked the staff armorer.
“Of course. Let me bring it for you,” he politely replied as he disappeared into the backroom for the third time.
Less than forty-eight hours ago, you were turning in the keys to your apartment and placing your few remaining life belongings into a storage facility. Now here you were, halfway across the world, in a repurposed classroom that served as the Tokyo Hunter Academy armory, evaluating what would be the best weapon of choice for killing a vampire in your upcoming mission.
It was quite the displacement, and yet you did not particularly feel out of place.
The existence of vampires had been a well-kept secret until the early 2000s, when the Internet and the era of social media democratized news, and the spread of information rendered global governments and their covert agencies incapable of containing such an enormous secret.
Along with the revelation of the existence of vampires came the one of the existence of vampire Hunters, those humans with innate skills allowing them to detect, neutralize, and kill vampires with ease. As the daughter of two vampire Hunters, you were not unfamiliar with the inner workings of this world.
The armorer returned with what you reluctantly settled on, being the closest thing to the beloved piece you were forced to leave back home, unable to board the plane until you were formally re-certified as a Hunter.
This would have to do.
“I’ll take this one.”
As soon as the armorer registered the weapon to your name and gave you the corresponding ammo, you set out for your rendezvous point at the school’s gate.
A configuration of mixed sentiments swirled through you as you walked through the halls of the school you’d spent a year attending over a decade ago.
Some things felt the same, others were vastly different.
You walked past an old classroom repurposed into what was now a press room, where the Hunter association higher-ups would sit and give regular briefings, pretending that all things were under control and taking the credit away from the tireless Hunters that were perishing on the front lines. Every once in a while, they would begrudgingly trot out a prolific Hunter like Gojo Satoru, who was popular with the media for his blunt honesty and with the people for his affability. But not even he could lift the somber atmosphere that loomed over the city these days.
Tokyo was living through its worst surge of vampire-related crimes yet. Several deaths and disappearances were reported daily now, some people were assumed to have been turned into vampires, and some were confirmed to have been.
The lack of support to combat these attackers did not help. As soon as it had become public, vampire hunting as a field of work, much like any other highly specialized training, had fallen victim to the human capital flight, with the top Western countries benefiting from the best training and talent by sitting at the top of the global capitalism food chain, resulting in other countries and regions being grossly understaffed.
It was partly what had compelled you to leave your equally important position as a World Health Organization researcher specialized in studying the effects of vampirism and to come support your old alma mater on the front lines.
But it wasn’t the full reason. There was something else, a restlessness that stirred within you for years now, a certain dissatisfaction with life, a sense that you were meant to do something else, and deep down, buried under these sentiments, a desire to live a life that could have been.
In hindsight, perhaps it was that rumination alone that pushed you to drop the life you were reluctantly settling into and rejoin the ranks of vampire hunting, straight to the perilous field.
The same force that fuelled the blooming feeling of nostalgia that hit you right now as you spotted the vending machine that sat by the exit you were just approaching, along with the cherry soda flavor you hadn’t had in years, compelling you to stop to purchase a can.
The same feeling that enveloped you as the first tinges of sugary carbonation hit your tongue, bringing a welcomed, familiar stinging sensation to your nose.
Perhaps it was that silent wish that you could never fully verbalize, as you closed your eyes and let yourself be transported by memories of simpler times.
In hindsight, you wondered, if perhaps it was this deep-held sentiment that somehow made the universe conspire for this moment to happen, in the exact way it happened, when you opened your eyes and turned around in time to see a foreign yet familiar figure turn the corner, heading towards the exit, heading towards you.
He was different, much different from what you remembered, taller, older, more built. He wore a suit now, you’d never quite imagined he would. He looked different, but it was unmistakably him. You recognized him first, but only by a mere few seconds. He stopped in his steps when he did.
Knowing what you knew now, you wondered perhaps if it was not something you’d somehow willed on your own.
Your mouth went dry as his eyes anchored yours. Your breath hitched, and for a moment, you wondered if you’d ever remember how to inhale again.
You stood in awe as you witnessed a decades-old forgotten wish, uttered in your deepest sorrows, granted in the most unexpected way, as a juxtaposition that no amount of fantasizing could have prepared you for; standing before Nanami Kento, with the sweet taste of synthetic cherry blossom soda and of as your name escaped his lips in a low rumble.
And suddenly, it was 2006 again.
September 2006, Tokyo
Changing leaves signaled a new beginning; a new season, a new semester.
For you, it also meant a move to a new school, a new country, and a new language, courtesy of the latest Tokyo-based assignment taken on by your vampire Hunter parents.
This wasn’t your first rodeo, having gone through half a dozen similar moves since your early school years. You’d grown somewhat accustomed to the instability concomitant with this lifestyle of traveling Hunters, had developed small coping mechanisms, and tried not to grow too attached to your classmates and your teachers, always keeping in mind that this would likely be temporary. It got easier, as you got older, and over time.
But it didn’t make it any less painful.
While you were raised in an era where Hunters were newly revered for their innate powers, this admiration didn’t translate well on the school playground.
Following you was a perceived air of superiority and prestige that you’d never wished to carry. Even in the most diverse of environments, it was easy for you to stick out. Being alone was one thing. Feeling lonely while surrounded by people was the worst.
This year would be different, you told yourself. You would attend one institution dedicated to training the next generation of Hunters. Even if it was in a new country, you’d at least have that in common with them, right?
Wrong.
For starters, you started in September, which was the second semester of the Japanese school year. What you found instead were friend groups already formed, and after the novelty of having a new student wore off, you were quickly relegated to your own corner.
There were still some things that made you different, like your darker complexion, your textured hair, and the slight language barrier. So for the next couple of weeks, you began mentally bringing yourself down from the high hopes you’d created for yourself and attempted a soft landing at the reality that this year would be more of the same.
One day, you were eating lunch on the school’s rooftop. You heard their conversation before you saw them, and could immediately identify their voices. Your two inseparable classmates, Haibara Yu, and Nanami Kento.
Haibara’s voice grew more animated as he seemed to be recounting the exciting twist from a movie he’d seen. Haibara paused when your eyes met and you heard him say something indistinguishable to Nanami, then he waved at you and they both made their way towards you.
Haibara was the one who spoke first. “Have you seen it? Human Earthworm? I think it has the potential to become a series.”
You sat quietly, for a moment, watching Haibara open his bento box. You looked at him and then you locked eyes with Nanami briefly, before he returned his attention to unwrapping his lunch, what looked like a sandwich he’d just purchased at the convenience store.
“Haibara, you shouldn’t assume that everyone has the same weird taste in movies as you,” he said with a sigh.
You were so caught off-guard by the casual way by which they’d included you in their conversation, without preamble, without the awkward introduction, as though it was the most normal thing in the world.
“I have seen it, actually,” you finally replied. “I think it was good, but they left things too open at the end. Perhaps they’re saving it for a sequel?”
“Exactly! That’s what I keep saying. People say it’s a cult classic, but they underestimate this franchise. I think it has the potential to go mainstream. See, Nanami, I’m not crazy after all!” he said, elbowing his friend.
The conversation continued until you’d all finished your lunch and walked back to class together. It all happened suddenly and organically. You shared every single one of your lunches together for the rest of your time there. Soon enough, you did everything together, from studying to training to group projects.
The dynamic between the three of you remained the same.
With Haibara, it was an instant connection. He was so easy to talk to, especially since you had similar tastes in movies and games. It was like connecting with a long-lost brother.
With Nanami, it was a slower, more subtle connection, manifested in moments of understanding exchanged in quiet pauses between classes when it was just you two together. Or the one you had one day, after school, while you were studying for one of your theoretical tests.
“Okay Haibara, rapid-fire questions this time. Focus!”
“Hit me!”
“What are the two types of vampires?”
“Bloodborn and Turned vampires!”
“Good. How do the two types of vampires come to be?”
“Bloodborn are vampires by lineage, Turned vampires are turned by Bloodborns.”
“Correct. And how do you neutralize them? ”
“A Hunter of equal level can kill turned vampires or above. Special Grade vampires are significantly stronger than graded vampires and must be killed by a Special Grade Hunter. Bloodborn vampires are even stronger and are rarely killed by anyone other than fellow Bloodborns.”
Nanami, who had disappeared to fetch you all some drinks from the vending machine, reappeared in your peripheral vision with two cans. He lightly tapped Haibara’s face with one of them.
“You forgot one thing,” he said, handing you the other can, a cherry blossom soda.
“Bloodborns can temporarily cure Special Grade vampires,” he added, in his usual impassive tone.
“That is statistically so rare that it’s practically technicality. I don’t think that will be a question on the exam,” you said as you reached to take the can.
“Why not?” he asked, pulling back on the can.
“Tell me, Nanami, what kind of Bloodborn would willingly cure a lowly Special Grade vampire?” You tugged on the can, finally snatching it out of his hands.
“I don’t know. Perhaps they have a pact or something. But there’s a non-zero possibility it could happen.” He took his seat on the bench on the other side of Haibara.
“That is way too specific. Haibara, I wouldn’t worry about it, Nanami’s just being pedantic. Again.”
“So you don’t think it could be a trick question?”
You rolled your eyes. Haibara, who sat between you and had watched the scene unfold quietly up to that point, let out a giggle. You could almost feel the inevitable teasing comment he was going to make melt onto his tongue as you watched his eyes focus on something ahead of him, glowing in recognition.
“Ah, Ieri-san. I have a question for you!” He jumped up, briskly walking towards Shoko, who was heading towards the vending machines.
“God, they never stock these machines, I swear,” Shoko lamented.
Her comment brought your attention to the vending machine, and it was only then that you spotted the glaring gap right where the cherry blossom soda was usually stocked.
Your attention turned to Nanami, who had since returned his attention to his textbook. Notably missing from his hand was his own drink, the one he’d expressed craving just a few minutes earlier. His favorite flavor. You knew this because he was the one who had introduced it to you.
The one he’d let you have the last can of.
Nanami Kento was too altruistic for his own good sometimes. It was something that both frustrated you and endeared you to him. You opened what you now knew to be the last cherry soda, making a show of it.
“Nanami, I don’t know if I can drink all of this. Split it with me?”
You got up and walked up to him to minimize his chances of refusing. You shoved the can into his field of view, forcing him to interrupt his reading. When he met your gaze, it was initially with an annoyed scowl he schooled back to neutrality as his eyes narrowed in realization.
“You don’t have to share with me,” he said as he averted his gaze and attempted to return to his textbook.
You acted oblivious. “I’m still full from lunch. I can’t drink all this.” When you noticed he wouldn’t bite, you added, “Come on, you know Haibara doesn’t like this flavor. If you don’t take it, I will literally spill the rest and it will go to waste. How tragic would that be?”
“Alright, fine,” he finally relented and accepted your offering, downing half of it in one shot. Just as he was about to grab his sleeve to wipe down the rim, you nabbed the can back and directly took a slow, deliberate sip from the can where his lips were a mere few seconds ago. You watched as his cheeks took a crimsoned tinge, your eyes anchoring his in playful challenge.
“I see you, Nanami.” It was all you said before Haibara returned and you retook your seat, savoring the saccharine taste of cherry blossom soda, and one of many silent, unspoken sparks that traveled between you and Nanami.
The end of the school year arrived in what seemed to be the blink of an eye, as did the end of your parents’ assignment. What you’d spent weeks convincing yourself to be a practiced indifference to the tension invoked by the separation from who you considered to be your two closest friends ever quickly proved itself to be a complete mirage on the last day of classes. Try as you might, you could not mask your melancholy.
On one of those last days, you were traveling back to campus from a rough Hunter mission.
“Geez, these missions are getting more and more intense, don’t you think?”
“They’re not only intense, but some of these are also borderline mis-leveled,” said Nanami. He seemed even more irritated than usual.
“Yes, but we’re the dream team! Together, we can handle anything!” Then looking at you, “Ahh, we’re going to miss this so much. These missions won’t be the same without you around!”
“Nanami won’t miss me.” The words spilled out before you could stop yourself. And you felt a thrill when his eyes finally shot up at you, the first reaction you’d gotten out of him today.
“What makes you say that?”
“He doesn’t sound like he will. He didn’t even acknowledge our final mission together. In fact, I think I was a pain for him more than anything else.” You replied.
“You sure enjoy making these snap judgments about me. Have you ever considered I’m still recovering from this brutal mission we were just on?” Nanami said.
“You couldn’t be more wrong. Nanamin will miss you the most! He’s just not good with goodbyes.” Haibara cut in.
“Yeah? Is that true Nanamin?” you asked, parroting Haibara’s nickname for him, feigning indifference to a question that suddenly meant so much to you. As you sat there at the mercy of his response, you felt everything inside you balancing on the edge of some invisible cliff. You wondered when exactly it was that this boy grew this much in importance to you.
“More importantly, we should get Haibara to the infirmary as soon as possible,” Nanami said, referring to the minor scratches sustained by your friend in an attempt to change the topic.
But you knew, in the way Nanami’s eyes averted yours, in the fact that he did not address let alone reproach you from calling him by the affectionate nickname that bothered him, in the way he deliberately evaded confirming the incriminating portion of Haibara’s declaration. You knew, later that month, when you stood at the school’s gate for the last time, and you embraced him in a hug, in the way he squeezed you for longer than necessary, in the way he tilted his head an angle so that this moment could stay between you two, you just knew that he meant every word when he finally whispered in your ear. “I do hate goodbyes.”
Haibara’s rambling cut into the moment: “… and besides, we’ve got online chat now! So there’s no excuse not to stay in touch, okay?”
It technically wasn’t your final conversation together, but it might as well have been because it ended up being the one you replayed in your mind the most in the years that followed.
You did stay in touch, even after you moved back overseas. Despite the time zone differences, despite the varying busy schedules, not a single forty-eight-hour cycle passed without your hearing from one or both of them.
Until one day.
Three days passed without action in reply to your last message, which was composed of you venting about the harsh winter you were dealing with in your current city.
Three days turned into a week, and a week into two.
Part of you assumed that your two friends were unusually busy, while the other couldn’t help but wonder if this was the point at which all your long-distance friendships seemed to inevitably taper off.
Only when your last message timestamp showed “17 days ago” did you finally get a message. It was from Nanami, asking if he could voice call you. You were thankful that it was a Friday and that you were uncharacteristically staying up and happened to be online at your computer at the time. You quickly typed your reply.
Yes, of course, is everything okay? You typed back.
You saw the typing indicator appear and disappear repeatedly as you fumbled into your drawers, fishing for your old headset. When you connected to the call, your blooming giddiness lasted only for the short time it took you to detect the pain in Nanami’s voice as he confirmed he could, in fact, hear you.
Almost a year and an ocean separated you from the last time you’d heard it and yet it was something like no other. You didn’t get to ask what was wrong before he engaged in a retelling of the worst news you could have ever received.
Your friend Haibara. Gone.
A mission gone viciously wrong, mis-leveled, a Bloodborn of all things.
What the fuck.
The shock immobilized you in your seat, and until this day, you didn’t understand how you’d managed to commit every single word Nanami said to your memory, a conversation you would mentally revisit over and over again years later. Perhaps it was in the substance of what he was saying, the incisiveness of his words, or the unusually heavy emotion with which he uttered them that made the entire call painfully memorable.
You didn’t realize how uncontrollably you were crying until you reflexively sniffled and heard it unceremoniously echo on Nanami’s side. A reminder that you were here on earth, that this was not a nightmare, that you were on this call, on the other side of the world, with Nanami.
Nanami, who had barely escaped with his life, who had witnessed the entire ordeal.
Who had watched your friend die.
You desperately tried to calm yourself down, taking deep breaths, preparing to break the silence you were only now noticing had settled between you, punctuated only by your sniffles.
“Nanami, what about yo-”
“I have to go now.”
“Wait! Let’s chat tomorrow? Or I guess later tonight, your time. If you can?”
“If I can.”
“Nanami, you’ll talk to me? This is all so fucked, but I’m here if you want to talk.” You tried to keep your composure, because how could you offer to help you didn’t seem to have “I know I’m not there but I’m here for you.”
A pause and what sounded like a sharp exhale from his end.
“I have to go.”
“Okay. Talk later.” Your intonation was more akin to a question rather than a statement.
The call disconnected, and its summary added itself to the bottom of your group chat, a string of text, showing that the call had lasted just under ten minutes and that only two out of three group members had attended. This screen, these words would be the only thing that held your company the next day, and the one after that, and the one after that, as you spent nearly all of your free time not spent in classes or getting what little sleep your mind would allow you to, staring at the screen in the hopes to catch a message or call that would never come.
You waited, and you worried, and you wondered.
You pinged him. Every day, for weeks. Every week, for months.
Your worry grew into sadness, then frustration, then numbness.
It took you a few months to come to the reality that you should stop waiting. That you shouldn’t expect anything. That the circumstances would not change.
That you had had your last conversation with Nanami Kento, and that you were alone again, mourning simultaneously the death of a friend and the loss of a friendship.
Current day, Tokyo
It was under a caliginous sky that you embarked on what would be your first mission back with Nanami. You learned Ijichi was the name of the driver who was escorting you to your mission location. You had barely caught it, in his unceremonious introduction, a welcomed interruption of whatever was going to happen after Nanami uttered your name.
By the time you turned your attention back to Nanami, he was already headed towards the exit. It took a moment for your mind to make the mental migration back to reality and connect the dots on what was occurring.
You were going on your Hunter recertification mission. Nanami. He was your mission supervisor.
Your mind still couldn’t reconcile what you were seeing with your eyes. You hardly felt ready to tackle a real hunting mission. But you would have to. Your recertification now hinged on it.
Years of imagining out how this moment, which you never believed would happen, could play out, and never did you imagine sharing the backseat of a Tokyo Hunter Academy issued car with Nanami on the way to a hunting mission. It was the closest you’d been to him in years, and yet somehow, the most distant you’ve ever felt.
The tension in the car was palpable. It had been a quiet ride so far. A glance at the GPS indicated you were still 20 minutes out from the mission’s location. You were growing restless. Nanami had not stopped tapping on his phone since the beginning of the trip.
“Have you been briefed?”
“What?”
“For this mission, has anyone briefed you yet?”
“No, not yet. At orientation, they told me I’d be briefed by my re-cert supervisor.”
“This process is so inconsistent,” you barely heard him mumble.
“What?” You said for the second time, feeling a little silly as you did.
He put away his phone and turned to face you. The moonlight filtered through the car window, perfectly hitting at an angle that highlighted his chiseled jaw.
Even in the car’s darkness, there was no mistake; he was too handsome. His eyes levelled with yours and for a moment, you felt time stop. You averted your gaze for a bit to collect yourself, your eyes catching Ijichi’s in the rearview mirror in surprise, and he, in turn, also averted his. The reminder of another observer in the car was enough to school you back to reality.
“I apologize for the disorganization. The recent crises have completely destabilized the onboarding process. I’ll be your recertification supervisor. My task is to evaluate whether you’re fit for field missions, and to recommend a level for you. Seeing as you already have extensive field experience, this will mainly be a levelling evaluation.” He paused, as though to leave room for any interjection.
“Okay,” was all you could say.
“We’re heading to the lake shore forest at the edge of the city. The latest surge of Special Grade vampires points to a deliberate effort from a Bloodborn to create them. The intel collected over the last few weeks points towards this area s being a prime location for disappearances.”
“I’ve read about this. It seems to have seriously picked up in the last month or so.
“Yes. The entrance we’re surveying is opposite the one that was red taped. The goal is to retrace where specifically these Turned vampires seem to come from.”
He moved the tablet to the center seat to allow you a better view. You both inadvertently leaned in at the same time, meeting in the middle. You tried to pay attention to the indicators he was drawing on the digital map he was showing you, but your focus was elsewhere. His clean smell, a mix of leather and cedar sent you on a tailspin that somehow had you imagining what he looked like when he applied whatever cologne he had on. You desperately pulled yourself together, an attempt to prove to yourself that you were not so far gone that simple smells could make you lose control.
Until he spoke.
His voice was low, rumbling, baritone.
“Ours is a recon assignment. Two, maybe three dozen Turned vampires are the most I’d expect, based on the reports from the previous teams who were recently there.”
And then he added, “Your first few missions back might feel daunting at first, but I’m certain that you’ll get quickly accustomed.”
You felt him lift his eyes to look at you.
Were those words of encouragement?
He was being so overly formal and professional to you. It would have driven you insane if he wasn’t also so kind and caring. It was reminiscent of the high school days where he took on the role of unofficial tutor in your friend’s group.
You recalled how your classmates gravitated towards Nanami around exam season, valuing his ability to break down concepts into their simplest forms, and to capstone his explanation with a few encouraging words. He was well suited for this kind of role, that much was undeniable. For a second, it was like no time had elapsed between the days he would pep talk you and Haibara before a big test.
It almost made you forget about the elephant in the room.
Almost.
You wondered what this conversation would sound like, were you not on this mission, were Ijichi not in the car, were your Hunter license recertification not hinging on Nanami Kento’s sign-off.
It was not lost on you that he had, so far, successfully used professionalism as a shield against the major topic at hand. For now, you would respect this unspoken armistice, you told yourself.
But only for now.
You clipped your flashlight to your holster as the two of you advanced into the forest. You had already taken out two hordes of Turned vampires, already more than the three dozen Nanami had expected. You’d successfully taken them out.
“Something’s off tonight,” he mumbled.
Just as you were going to ask him to expand on his statement, you felt it before you saw it. It first came as a rapid movement from the corner of your eye, and you knew Nanami did too, based on his sudden alertness.
“Special Grade,” he said. “Two… No, three of them.”
“I don’t think so.”
Nanami raised an eyebrow at you.
“Care to elaborate?”
“The signature is too strong.”
“Which is why I count three…”
“No, I think it’s more than that. I think it might be-”
You felt its presence and signature for a moment before you spotted it in the darkness ahead of you. A colossal figure interrupted you, emerging just a few meters in front of you.
The atmosphere crackled with an electric charge. The energy shifted dangerously. A sudden wind picked up. A blend of foreign and familiar energy surrounded you, akin to a suffocating embrace.
Years of hunting, studying, and researching, along with an unmistakable gut feeling, helped you identify it to be a Bloodborn vampire.
“Shit. Bloodborn,” you muttered in Nanami’s general direction.
With a practiced motion, you popped your weapon’s magazine free and counted five remaining bullet rounds. You might have been informed, but you certainly were not prepared.
“Retreat plan?” you spoke again, your mind running through the protocols drilled into you by hours of training as your eyes searched the tree behind which Nanami had ducked a short moment ago.
You found him standing a few meters ahead instead, out in the open. His usual composed countenance, the caution you’d known him to exhibit since the start of this mission, since forever, appeared to have long diminished.
What little light emanating from the moon above was enough for you to perceive brows furrowed in calculation, jaw tightened in concentration, determination manifest. It took you a few seconds to realize what he was plotting.
“Wait, are you-”
Nanami suddenly charged at the figure.
What the hell?
As you watched him run and pick up an incredible speed, you fumbled with your weapon, looking to aim at something, anything, as you prepared to lay unexpected cover fire for your seemingly possessed partner.
It was difficult to see anything in the dark, but thankfully you were able to get a surprisingly solid read on the vampire’s signature and could track its whereabouts with utmost precision. You’d have to track Nanami mostly through sound, you thought to yourself.
As if on cue, you heard the sound of metal against flesh, signaling a direct hit by Nanami on his target.
“Left arm,” you heard Nanami’s steady voice call out from somewhere in the close distance. You moved closer, aiming down sights, and you saw what appeared to be its right arm for a brief second. It was the first and only shot you’d seen so far, so you took it.
Another direct hit.
You watched as the figure staggered its steps, both limbs now affected, your closer proximity allowing you to distinguish the monstrous features it exhibited. Pointy ears, long limbs, and an extremely tall stature.
You heard hit after hit, Nanami using the opening you’d created to his advantage, landing as many hits as possible. You lined up your shot as you moved closer, deducing you’d have at least one more good go at it before the beast recovered.
“Left a-”
A powerful surge of energy preceded a sound so rambunctious that you could feel it in your own body. Your eyes had gotten accustomed to the dark by now, at least enough to see Nanami’s limp body shoot off into the distance and land several meters away with a bouncing thud.
Between being paralyzed at the prospect of the worst-case scenario, and the shock of having a Bloodborn vampire, in its most feral form, now fully set its attention on you, your attempt at calling out for Nanami wound up getting caught in your throat.
You quickly started backing up, mentally mapping out the quickest way to back your way toward where you’d watch Nanami land and then back out through the nearest exit. You weaved off the beaten path to put both distance and some foliage density between yourself and your threat.
What you had in heightened senses, the vampire seemed to counter with speed. You watched as the figure weaved between the trees, rapidly closing the distance between you two.
You took a shot. It landed on a neighboring tree trunk.
Four bullets left.
You emerged from the wooded area and stumbled onto a fork in the road.
You could sense but not see the beast closing in on you. You turned around and shot in its general direction. It completely whiffed.
Three.
You chose the direction you judged would lead you closest to Nanami. The closer the vampire got to you, the more you felt an uncanny draw to it. It was as though it was trying to communicate with you.
It was gaining ground. You had to change strategies. You aimed and shot two bullets in a double-tap succession. One of them grazed the Bloodborn, and the other one missed.
One.
You turned around and broke into a sprint, hoping that the speed gained by running facing forward would make up for the fact that you wouldn’t be shooting at your target anymore.
Your mind quickly flitted to a bird’s-eye view of your current predicament, about how quickly this had all gone wrong, about the domino chain that started at your dissatisfaction with life and would potentially end with an abrupt, violent ending of it, about Nanami Kento, the old friend you’d just reunited with and who likely needed your help now more than ever.
Something snapped in you with that last thought, and for a brief second, you empathized with the way Nanami had thrown himself at his adversary a few minutes ago. Weaponizing your desperation, you stopped in your tracks and turned around. You pointed your gun at the approaching figure. You aimed down sight and you took your last shot.
The sound of your final incendiary round crossing into the air echoed through your ears and your mind as both your vision and sound faded out. In your suddenly weakened state, you felt the distinct stifling presence of a vampire closing in on you. Shortly after, you felt limbs around you, decidedly not human, grabbing you and slinging you over its shoulder.
And the world faded to black.
1870s, Atlantic coast, Northern West Africa
The setting sun casts a warm hue of crimson red into the sky, carrying an uncanny air of peacefulness and tranquility; the energy that occupies the beach below is anything but.
Two figures scurry towards the coastline. The Bloodborn vampire reaches it first, and she waddles her way into the water until its level hits her midsection. She frantically unsheathes her dagger from her waist belt; it glows amber, both heat and light emanating from it.
She turns around just in time to watch the Hunter who accompanies her catch up to her, halting just at the coastline. Her eyes meet his just in time to watch him school his worried countenance back to fervent determination.
Without further preamble, she chants an incantation that predates humanity itself, a mother’s plea, to both the forces of Light and of Darkness. The surrounding air shimmers as she slices her palm open with her knife, only slightly wincing at the sensation of the action that will seal her fate.
She watches as the drops of blood drip from her hand, coagulating on impact with the sea water below her and forming into a carmine coloured bead, which she picks up into her hand and brings to her lips. The next words she utters are whispered, a caveat, a Bloodborn’s insurance. The bright glow of her knife disappears, replaced by a wraith-like texture.
She feels her life force weakening as she waddles her way back to the coast. She knows she’s on the clock. The Hunter takes notice of her struggle, furrowing his eyebrows as he makes the trek as if to meet her halfway. She lifts her hand up to signal him to stop. He reluctantly does.
When the vampire finally reaches the Hunter, he opens his arm, revealing the small baby girl he is protectively holding, wide eyes blinking up at her parents. The woman bends down and kisses her forehead. Throughout this entire ordeal, this is the only time the mother truly feels emotive, the only time her tears form at the corners of her eyes.
She brings the crimson bead up to the child and slips it under the thin garment she is wearing, placing it just over her heart, and presses down. She watches as the blood turns back into its sanguine form and gets completely absorbed into the child, illuminating her small body for a brief second before she returns to normal, an action that seals the fate of the child and of their lineage.
Only then does the woman bring up her attention to the man, who has been watching her intently the entire time, with love and reverence but also worry.
“Don’t look so glum, Mr. Hunter. By the beach, together, for the rest of our lives. You lived up to your promise.”
On the beach, in the distance behind them, the distinct sound of Dongola horse hooves hitting the sand can be heard.
“For eternity,” he corrects.
“What’s that?” She asks, playfully feigning ignorance for one final time.
“By the beach, together, for eternity. That was the promise.”
“That will come too. But not before you complete your task.”
“The curse ends here.”
A promise to a Bloodborn from her consort, sealed with a final kiss on her forehead.
The woman walks towards a rocky structure by the coastline, leaning her back against it before she impales herself with the knife.
The Hunter turns his attention to the approaching delegation of his peers.
He raises one arm in surrender. He tells them he won’t resist. His only ask:
“Spare the child! She’s human.”
The Hunters don’t trust their betrayer and take the child from his arms. He holds back for a second and this is the only time he shows the slightest bit of resistance.
One of the Hunters brings a talisman to the child’s face. To the Hunter’s relief, it glows the right color. Now reassured that his child will be spared, he lets himself be taken prisoner by his former allies.
Now he could accept his fate.
Current day, Tokyo
Your eyelids fluttered open to fluorescent lights and the low hum of a heartbeat monitor. It took you a moment to remember that you were in fact, not visiting your grandmother in her village, nor were you waking up in your apartment at home, but you were in a school infirmary, on the other side of the world, in Tokyo.
Memories of the night’s events rushed back to you, like a wave washing back to the shore. The sensation of being carried by arms you knew could only belong to a vampire was indelible. The pain you’d felt before you lost consciousness. In fact, you felt surprisingly energized now, all things considered. Only once she spoke did you notice Shoko in your peripheral vision.
“Welcome back,” she said in the flat tone you fondly remembered her by.
“How long was I out?”
Shoko glanced at the clock after glancing at the clock hanging on the wall.
“Almost an hour now. Nanami was quick to bring you here. I do wonder how many traffic laws he violated to get you here so quickly. Poor Ijichi got relegated to the backseat and got carsick.”
You raised yourself on the bed and sat down, noticing the IV still hooked to you.
“Is he okay?”
“It’s carsickness. I think he’ll be okay.”
“I meant Nanami.”
“Oh, Nanami seemed completely fine.”
“Seemed? As in, you didn’t examine him?”
“I didn’t have to. He said you were the only one injured out there. Okay, now I have to ask, are you feeling okay?”
Shoko’s question had you wondering for a second. Last you remembered, Nanami had launched across quite a distance. Surely, he must have sustained more than a few scratches.
“Where is he?” you asked, evading her question.
“He was here a moment ago. I think he went-”
Shoko never finished her sentence. Appearing in the doorframe at that exact moment was Nanami, holding a stack of papers in one hand and a soda in the other.
Cherry blossom.
He’d taken off his glasses, and you could see the marks where they usually sat on his nose. His eyes lingered on yours for a second. It was the first time you’d made actual eye contact since your reunion. This time his thick glasses were not there to hide his micro-expressions. He looked neatly disheveled, his hair was slightly out of place, and his tie was loosened. Was it a hint of relief that you caught in his hazel eyes?
“You’re up.” A statement rather than a question. Whatever it was, you watched it disappear just as quickly as it had appeared before he made his way inside the room, moving around Shoko who had stopped what she was doing and was quietly observing the interaction. You had almost forgotten that she was in the room.
“I am,” you replied cautiously.
“How are you feeling?” he asked.
You turned and looked at him for a moment before turning to Shoko.
“I’m fine, right? Please tell me you’ll discharge me right now.”
Shoko stared at you for a second, as though she was evaluating her response.
“Only if you promise to show up to a follow-up tomorrow.”
“I will, promise.”
“I need you to sign a few things, protocol, since it’s your first time here. I’ll be right back.” Shoko’s eyes moved between you and Nanami, as though she was hesitating to leave you two alone.
When she was finally out of the room, you quietly watched as Nanami approached you, and placed the soda can on your table side, his silent offering, before sitting on the visitor’s seat across the room.
“How are you feeling?” He repeated his question, and it somewhat irritated you.
“I don’t know, Nanami. Physically I’m feeling okay,” you said, as you attempted to cross your arms but got restricted by the IV drip still hooked to you. Without thinking, you swiftly ripped it off in frustration.
Nanami watched you impassively.
“And otherwise? Do you remember what happened?” He pushed.
“Do you?” you asked, your tone coming out more accusatory than you’d intended.
“I do, but also, I wasn’t the one who passed out.”
“Really? I guess you’ll have to teach me your ways, then. I watched you fly a good distance and heard the way you landed behind those bushes. I’m surprised to see you without a scratch.”
“You sound disappointed.”
You stared at each other for a few seconds. You always found Nanami to be relatively harder to read. But now he was decidedly a shut book.
“We should get our stories straight.”
“Excuse me?”
He gestured to the stack of papers he was holding and handed you a copy. Mission report was the heading.
“We were split off. We should align our reports so they match. What was the last thing you remember?”
You narrowed your eyes at him, and you thought he must have felt it judging by the uncharacteristic manner by which he was evading your glare, choosing to fix the report he was holding instead, as though it carried the answer to his question.
“Why would we need to line up our stories? We should just report the truth.”
“If our stories differ too much, or if there are gaps in the sequence of events, it will raise questions and it could affect your recertification status.”
If the circumstances of this entire mission didn’t feel sketchy enough so far, this bit definitely sounded off. He was speaking so casually about such a critical mission. His apparent indifference was driving you insane. You felt like a pot about to boil over.
“If I didn’t know you better, I’d think that you’re holding my recertification over my head and that you’re asking me to forge my report.”
His head snapped at you, irritation now visible in his knitted brows. Finally, a chink in his armor.
“Your next sentence better be that you do know me better,” he said, sounding annoyed. Finally, some emotion.
“Why should it be? The truth is, I really don’t know you, Nanami. A decade ago, I thought I did. But now?”
You felt yourself slowly losing control over your voice. The heart rate monitor started beeping, signaling your increasing heart rate.
His eyes narrowed at the monitor and you could have sworn that they softened when they returned to yours. When your name left his lips in a low whisper, you felt the first tears stinging your eyes.
“You should try to remain calm.”
And you lost it. A decade’s worth of frustration spilled before you could process the words.
“I was calm for over ten years, Nanami. A decade without a single sign of life from you. Do you know I got extremely sick and couldn’t eat for over a month after that last call? Do you know the number of sleepless nights I spent wondering what exactly happened? Worrying about you and your well-being? How long does it take to send a brief chat message? ”
“I got logged out and could not log back in.”
“You got logged… You’re telling me that the reason I never heard from you again was because you conveniently got logged out of a messaging app a mere few hours after you called me to deliver the most devastating news? I call bullshit.”
“I did get logged out, eventually. But you’re right. I was dealing with the most brutal and gruesome loss imaginable, so you’ll have to excuse me if I didn’t drop everything to get back to you right away.” His voice was growing in a frustration that increasingly mirrored yours.
Each sentence was a new arrow in your quiver. Your tears were freely flowing now, the sentiment of scorn rising to your head as you lined up the next words.
“You gave up, Nanami. You didn’t get back to me at all. He was my friend too, and you robbed me of a proper mourning. I couldn’t even get his address to send proper condolences. What you did was completely fucked up, and you know it.”
In the past, in the rare moments you’d been able to suspend disbelief and delude yourself into imagining ever crossing paths with Nanami again, you’d played out the different directions this conversation could take. In your hazy enactments, you’d imagined this scenario to be a lot less confrontational and always believed you’d be able to approach discussing this tragedy with sympathy and a certain level-headedness.
You told yourself that normally, you would. And while there was nothing normal about the last twenty-four hours you’d lived through, it didn’t make you feel any less guilty for the reproachful tone you’d slipped into and wielded against him.
Nanami got up and handed you a box of tissues from the counter. You expected him to return to his seat, but he stayed where he stood just by you.
“The Bloodborn we ran into today. I’ve been tailing it for the last ten years. Today’s confrontation was the first time I’d gotten this close since…”
Nanami did not need to complete that sentence for you to put two and two together. If you thought your guilt couldn’t get worse, you were proved wrong at that moment.
“Lately it’s grown an army of Turned and Special Grade vampires at his beck and call. He’s the source of the latest surge. It seems to be going for numbers over strength at the moment. They’ve formed a perimeter around what I suspect to be his base of operations. I left my life behind once, but I haven’t halted my hunt. And I certainly haven’t given up on anything, or anyone.
“I came back to the school because they happen to have the resources and intel that will be useful to stopping this menace, particularly now that there is public pressure and internal interest in actually stopping this threat. This is the closest I’ve come to bringing justice for Haibara…” he paused, his breath hitching ever so slightly, and only then did you realize that this was the first time either of you had uttered your dear friend’s name.
He returned to your side. “But none of this happens without weakening the Bloodborn. And with public scrutiny and the recent emphasis on protocol…”
“Okay, I understand,” you said, cutting him. “I’ll line up my report with yours, to avoid scrutiny, but only on one condition. And it’s non-negotiable.”
“And what is that?”
“I get to go on all missions related to this matter too.
“I don’t-”
“Non-negotiable, Nanami, I insist on this.”
You saw him glance at the heart rate monitor before he finally relented with a nod.
“Are you sure you’re feeling alright?” That this was his third time asking you was not lost on you. He seemed hellbent on closing out the conversation with you with more gentleness than he’d opened it.
It made you question if you were imagining it.
“Sign this, then you’re discharged,” Shoko said as she returned to the room with visibly more urgency than she’d left it.
“A sudden eagerness to get rid of me, Dr. Ieri?” You chirped in your best attempt to engage in a tone that you hoped would draw her attention away from what you could only imagine was still very much a teary countenance.
“As much as I’d love to keep you with me, I’ll need the room.” Her voice was grave as she absentmindedly handed you your discharge documents before adding, “There’s just been another major attack.”
An air of gloom hovered over the school for the following days. You learned, both through hearing firsthand accounts of your surviving colleagues, and through their reports, of the gruesome details of the latest attack. All indications pointed towards the same Bloodborn’s elusive hideout as being ground zero for the crisis at hand.
You’d sat in the briefing room the day following your first mission, listening as one of the squad leaders detailed the way by which the turned vampires had prioritized Hunters as their targets, and had successfully done so, based on the death count. He’d vocalized the odd configuration of the two conclusions drawn from this latest failure. That the number of human casualties might be lessened with this shift in strategy and newfound sophistication from the vampires, but that Hunters would be the ones to pay the ultimate price.
“Hey, what are your thoughts on all this?” You caught Nanami at the end of the briefing just as he was about to slip away.
“On what, specifically?”
“This latest attack, it almost feels retaliatory.”
“All vampire attacks against Hunters are retaliatory by definition.”
You rolled your eyes at his pedantry. Some things never changed.
“I know that, but you’ve read the reports, yeah? There were cases where they literally walked past human targets and spared them. I don’t think I’ve ever seen that before. Have you?”
“So by retaliatory, you mean…”
“I mean against us, you know, considering how our last mission went.”
“We shouldn’t talk about this here,” he said, in a lowered voice.
“But we will talk about it right, Nanami? It’s already been a couple of days. I know what we put in the report doesn’t tell the full story.”
“Nanami-san!”
A younger fellow Hunter had just turned the corner and called out to him. You only recalled Ino’s name by the way he stood out from the other hunters with his energetic demeanor. Without knowing him beyond that, you found that he bore an uncanny resemblance to…
“Have you been assigned the stakeout mission yet?” Nanami turned back to you, cutting into your thoughts.
“I have. In two days… with you.”
“Good. So we’ll talk then.”
With that, he broke away from you and began walking towards Ino. Judging by the handful of interactions you’d observed between the two, the younger Hunter seemed to have taken a great respect towards Nanami. This didn’t surprise you one bit, but it made you wonder who was the other version of Nanami Kento, the elusive man beneath the thick mask he’d put on over the last decade?
You knew he had the answers. But you would not wait on him to discover them.
It was Nanami himself who’d sparked the idea within you, by his revelation both about the Bloodborn’s connection to Haibara’s death and his intention of leveraging the school’s resources. Thus you found yourself, later that afternoon, in the school library, digging through the Tokyo Hunter Academy archives.
With the budgeting issues the school had gone through, the digitization of hard-copy reports was at the bottom of the list of what was being prioritized. You figured that perhaps there was something that was missed, anything that could help shed some light on the motivations of this old new adversary.
Your hopes were dashed after a couple of hours of tallying the hard copies of what was available in the school portal, as you realized that all the digital versions of the reports surrounding this particular Bloodborn vampire were accounted for.
You raised yourself, perhaps a bit too abruptly, from the crouched position you’d held for the better part of the last half hour, sifting through the bottom shelf that covered the year 2006, feeling a bit lightheaded and disoriented, and dropping the file you were holding as a result.
“Shit,” you muttered to yourself as you picked it up and mindlessly opened it.
Having read these countless times, you instantly identified the words that comprised the report from one of the first responding hunters, the one that had found the two young student Hunters who had encountered a new, underestimated foe; Nanami in critical condition, and Haibara deceased.
You recalled that one day, a couple of years following the incident, you had been so desperate to find out everything you could about it that you’d managed to connect to the Global Vampire Hunting database, and with the help of stolen credentials from your mother, successfully pulling the files related to this mission gone wrong and sneakily printed them out. You’d since committed every line to your memory.
Which is why the discrepancy stood out immediately to you, like a sore thumb.
Your heart rate sped up as you fumbled with your phone, not wanting to waste time making the trek out to the computer room to sign in to the network. A few authentication clicks and you were in.
You pulled out the digital version of the same report and quickly scrolled down to the section you needed, the line that began with “number of vampire signatures detected at the time of arrival”. You couldn’t help the gasp that came out of your mouth as you read your phone, then the paper report, then your phone again.
The number on your phone was the one you’d always believed it to be: one. It made sense, as it was the signature that matched the Bloodborn.
And yet, in the hard copy version, the number shown was two. One signature belonging to the Bloodborn. The second one was unidentified. The paper report also mentioned that the signature was only detected momentarily before fading away.
Even more shocking than this revelation was the very presence of this discrepancy.
What was the truth, and who was trying to hide it?
Your second mission with Nanami kicked off on an overcast mid-January day. Having had the privilege of sampling the delicacies that were North-East American winters, this climate, by comparison, was rather mild to you. That said, there was not much to like about cold and dry weather, icy roads, and shorter days that translated into shorter periods of daylight and more time for vampires to be out and about.
The mission comprised a stakeout and mapping out the comings and goings of one particular area of the forest whose specific configuration eluded the school’s records. It marked one of the few unmapped areas of the forest, making it a prime suspected location for the Bloodborn vampire’s hideout.
The school had lent you two sets of keys, one for a car, and one to a literal cabin in the woods, to serve as your base of operation for the upcoming days. This was supposed to be a solo mission, and you imagined that his request to have you accompany him had raised a few eyebrows and God knows how he managed to make it happen, but none of that was not your concern.
No, your concern was to solve the enigma that was the connection between Nanami Kento and this Bloodborn vampire, and this mission would serve as the perfect stage for your investigation.
You decided that your best bet would be to ease Nanami into becoming comfortable around you. Anything less and he would revert back to shutting you out.
This endeavor proved to be a difficult feat, at first.
The cabin was one of those chalet-style units, its layout symmetrical, barring one difference. It contained one primary bedroom at one end and a guest bedroom on the opposite. From the moment you arrived, Nanami dropped his duffel bag into the guest bedroom, marking the end of whatever debate you were going to have about the decision before it even started. From there, a mental border was drawn, separating both sides of the house, one that was only crossed on rare occasions, when you were using the central kitchen.
You knew he couldn’t avoid you forever, especially not in this predicament. So on the first night, you bode your time.
You both decided to begin your patrols as close to sunset as possible, to maximize the chance of catching prime-time vampire activity.
On the first night, the patrol began quietly, the sound of your trudging steps in the fresh snow your only companion. After a while, he finally broke the silence and started sharing his findings about the Bloodborn. It was the most you’d heard him talk since your reunion so you actively listened as he recounted in chronological order, all of his encounters with the wretched beast.
It was not lost on you, that he’d begun at his first encounter with the Bloodborn following the initial incident, which would have been years later. But you took what he gave you, and you interjected with clarifying questions that helped paint a better picture of the years you’d spent apart. By the end of that patrol, you’d managed to pinpoint a perimeter around which the hideout was most likely located.
The second night began with him asking you questions that you would have gladly welcomed just a few days prior. Now that you were on the clock, you were not fond of the idea of spending your limited one-on-one time discussing yourself rather than him. But you took the bite and tried to steer the conversation with your answers.
You talked about your experience studying public health, about your research around vampirism, and your work at the World Health Organization to find a cure for people who were recently turned.
When Nanami admitted to having followed and read your research and gave praise to the specific advancements you’d contributed to the cause, you felt conflicted. Part of you felt flattered, no, your heart soared at the fact that he’d meticulously read and understood your work, at the idea that he’d even been thinking of you in any way, even all those years later.
The other part of you wondered why he hadn’t reached out and resented the fact that he had found a way to stay connected to you while severing any type of access to him.
This dilemma dampened your mood as you almost found it hard to match Nanami’s tempered optimism after you’d stumbled upon a cavernous opening from which you’d observed several Turned vampires stumble out, indicators of an entrance point to the Bloodborn’s hideout.
You’d all but written off the evening as a failure until the end, when you returned home and you were ready to split off for the rest of the night, but saw Nanami waiting for you at the door as you took off your boots.
“I want to apologize for not reaching you out for all those years. I went through it after… Haibara’s death. But it was no excuse to inflict more suffering on you. Nothing can change those years, and that time, but if you ever want to talk about it, about him, about the past, about the memories, know that my door will always be open for you.”
You were speechless. This truly came out of left field, and though you’d always wondered what this apology from Nanami could sound like, you found yourself more than unprepared for it when it finally came. So you simply stared at him.
“Good job out there today. Have a good rest of the night,” he said after a moment, as he turned away and closed his bedroom door behind him.
That encounter left you so agitated that you’d barely caught a wink of sleep, a factor which more than likely played a role in the events of the next day.
The day had already started differently from the previous ones. Nanami had woken up earlier than usual and had gone for a walk, something you learned when you woke up much later through the text message he’d left you.
When he came back, the sun had already set, and you were already running behind your planned schedule, which comprised placing inconspicuous trackers into the ground surrounding the suspected hideout location. When you questioned him about it, he’d been uncharacteristically short and vague about his absence, something that only added to your fatigue-induced irritability.
The previous day had brought along with it some milder-than-usual temperatures, which had caused large puddles of melted snow which was now turning into ice under the freezing night temperature. It made the trek down to the hideout even more treacherous. You’d both slipped a few times, further slowing your advance.
But the night quickly and drastically shifted tones when you found yourself confronted with a fully transformed Special Grade vampire. It looked just as monstrous as the Bloodborn you were chasing, except it was smaller in stature and still retained some of its humanoid features.
This one was a strong one, and had somehow slipped your senses until the last possible second, when it came up behind you and slashed at you, its sharp claws cutting through your thick coat clean through the skin of your left arm.
“Behind you!” you called out to warn Nanami, who was just a few steps ahead of you, seemingly as oblivious as you were.
He turned around, engaged in a flail more than a slash, only in the general direction of the vampire, missing his target and quickly turning back away from you.
You had never seen him miss. Ever.
Only then did you realize just how bad of a shape he was in. You had half a mind to equip your gun, before realizing that you may have to take the close quarter fight yourself. You watched as Nanami bent over his knees, seemingly on the brink of collapsing.
You could almost hear the mental calculation the vampire had made in its head, as it charged for who it now understood to be the weaker target. Your aim was unsteady, the vampire’s movements too erratic. As much as you trusted yourself with a gun, you refused to risk the sliver of a chance at harming Nanami.
You charged behind the vampire, who was now closing in on Nanami. You failed to see the vast patch of ice ahead of you. Your slip sent you on a trajectory that would have found first into the ground.
But in yet another intense moment of desperation, you refused to yield to gravity. You twisted your body upwards, tapping into a kinetic force that surprised even yourself, and launched yourself upwards into the air.
When you saw the ground rapidly approaching you this time, you redirected your movement to target the vampire who had yanked up Nanami by the collar and landed squarely on him. Without thinking, you nabbed your partner’s cleaver from his loose grip and dove the blade into the vampire beneath you, putting a definitive end to the attack.
When Nanami dropped to his knees beside you, still catching his breath, you climbed off the vampire and kneeled next to him, bringing your face down to his level. He closed his eyes and tilted his head down, and you just knew he was hiding something.
“Nanami,” you said, as calmly as your adrenaline would allow you. You unzipped your coat and took out your right arm, pushing up the sleeve of the right arm of your sweatshirt.
“Nanami,” you called out again, a warning this time, as you prepared to vocalize what you’d known deep down for days now and had refused to acknowledge on the surface.
“I see you, Nanami. I know what you are. You need to drink. Here’s my arm. Please. Enough with the games.”
When the figure before you finally anchored your eyes with his now bright red pupils, you told yourself that it was the beast within that was in control when it forcefully yanked your other arm out of your coat instead, the left one, the injured one; when it swiftly pulled back the sleeve of that arm, revealing flawless golden brown skin and that had, in fact, fully and very much unnaturally healed. You told yourself it was the beast that spoke when it finally uttered these words in a voice you barely recognized, before biting down on your arm.
“Shouldn’t I be saying the same to you, Miss Bloodborn?”
A jolt coursed through your veins as his fangs pierced your flesh. Your face was heated, and you felt yourself transform.
The realization that hit you at the moment felt like a reversion to a mean, like a final puzzle piece finding its place, like order being restored.
You were falling backwards, losing your balance. Everything felt both slow and quick at the same time. You desperately clung to consciousness as you grabbed onto the presence before you. It was calling out to you, repeatedly so. Was it saying your name? Familiar safety wrapped in a foreign host, ruby orbs reverting to a recognizable hazel color, hints of the man that once was fighting to regain surface.
Nanami…
His name melted on the tip of your tongue, a silent prayer as darkness enveloped you.
You awoke with a start and immediately felt the difference. You were back at the cabin, lying in your bed, but it felt different. The surrounding colors were more vibrant, the sounds louder, the scents stronger. You felt like a new firmware was downloaded into your brain, and you were armed with newfound knowledge, an instinctual drive.
You were awakened.
You felt him before you saw him, by the heat that radiated from him, the steady but fervent tempo of his heartbeat, the pureness of his soul.
He carried with him an aura, an unmistakable signature so familiar to you, one that you now realized you’d felt from the moment you met him all those years ago, faint and unidentifiable as it had been to you at the time.
A Special Grade vampire.
But a good one?
And when you finally turned your head to face him, sitting in the chaise that bordered the opposite wall, he must have felt your movement because he raised his to face you at the exact moment.
Trying to get a read on Nanami had never been easy. And despite your newfound ability to read his vitals so clearly, you still were left playing the usual deciphering game.
“How long have you known? And how did you know before me?” you finally asked.
“I had my suspicions… The first mission we went on. You were right in your recollection that the Bloodborn launched me back. What you failed to remember is that we both were, you even more so after he’d chased you. The state I found you in… I thought I had lost you…” he paused, and you watched the pain cross his features as recalled the moment.
“I intended to carry you back to the car, but then you healed on your own. It was both strange and familiar. By the time we got you to Shoko, you were exhausted but fully healed.”
You sat up on the bed, suddenly feeling restless. He stood to stand at the feet of your bed to stay in your view. You patted the spot in front of you, inviting him to sit.
Only then did you realize that he’d long since crossed your unspoken border for the first time and that he was in your space now, in your room.
The first of many breaches to occur that night.
In your shared silence, bridges were being built. In your curious glance, an unspoken question hung.
Nanami took a deep breath and began telling the story of the day his life changed.
He recounted how the mission had started, how Haibara had been optimistic as he always was, how everything had escalated so quickly, so badly. He spoke of the Bloodborn looming over him and how he was ready to accept his death. He recalled when he awakened, first from unconsciousness as he realized in horror that he had survived and that Haibara hadn’t. He spoke of the second agonizing awakening as the beast he was trained all his life to destroy.
You listened as he spoke of the moments when the despair was too overwhelming, when he contemplated ending it all, only to read about another attack, another victim somewhere in the world, and the sheer determination of ending this curse took precedence over the sweet release of succumbing to it. You noticed how he instinctively reached for his neck as he recounted this part.
You asked about his transformation and his symptoms, and he described patterns that you could now retrace in your own life. You asked about how he sustained himself, and he described depending mostly on blood banks nearing the end of their shelf life, occasionally animals when times were dire. The infirmaries had been running low on blood lately, due to the increased number of injuries caused by the surge in incidents, he told you. He’d been rationing what he had left but had run out during the stakeout mission. He’d tried to go hunt but was stalled by the hazardous patches of ice.
After a moment, you came to a realization.
“You’re still in Bloodthirst,” you said.
“I’m fine.”
“No, you’re not fine, and I know it. How long had you gone without?”
You shoved his hair out of his eyes, fingers brushing against his forehead. Suddenly you felt yourself gain access to him, to his mind. You dug deeper, deeper still, and like your other abilities, it was desperation that powered your attempt to convince him to let you ease his suffering if only for a little, driving you deeper and deeper.
Until you hit a wall.
Nanami grabbed your hand by the wrist and abruptly pulled it away from his forehead, his eyes flashing red momentarily. The beast was surfacing.
“Don’t...”
“Nanami, you’re too deficient. I can feel it.”
“Don’t try to get into my head.”
“I’m not trying to. Not deliberately. And, I don’t need to be in your head to feel your suffering. How long have you been holding back?” You pushed.
The conflict of his instincts warred within him, clear in his eyes, which flicked between bright red and their usual sweet honey.
“You won’t hurt me, so please, Nanami, let me help you.”
You bit your lip out of nervousness, and your sharp fang clumsily pierced through the corner of your lower lip. You were still unused to it. You winced at the sharp pain. You felt its scent before you felt the drop of blood slowly slide down and you knew that Nanami felt it, too. You could feel it in the quickening pace of his heartbeat, in the hitching of his breath, in the way he met your gaze, in an electrifying moment.
And yet he didn’t move. It was hard to pinpoint the exact moment when breaking down Nanami’s barriers became synonymous with breaking his resolve. All you knew is that your body was now moving of its own accord, your mission becoming singular.
You engaged your newfound strength to push him down, and you were, surprisingly, met with little resistance. His back hit the mattress harder than you intended. You straddled him at his hips and placed your hands on the bed on either side of his face. Your disposition made it look like you were the one in control. But the truth was that you were at the mercy of his expression, unreadable as always, desperate to bring relief to the man who’d suffered alone for over a decade.
Your arms wobbled as you lowered your face to his. His expression remained impassive, but his vitals betrayed it. Pulse quickened, pupils dilated, rapidly switching on and off red and amber. Your eyes fixed his. You had half a mind to offer your arm again, bravery had brought you this far, but you wondered whether it would take you all the way. Your eyes moved back to Nanami’s, an attempt to decipher what calculation he appeared to be making.
The decision was made for you both, when the drop of blood, which had been sliding back from your lips, trickled down to your chin unbeknownst to you, falling to the whims of gravity, and landing directly on his own lower lip.
And then his tongue darted out to lick it.
And something snapped.
You couldn’t tell whether you moved first, or he did. The exact sequence of events would remain unclear, discarded to the back of your mind as you felt the acerbic taste of your own blood on Nanami’s lips.
You felt the restraint melt away with the growl that emanated from Nanami’s chest. You squeezed your eyes shut as though it would help mute the moan that remained captive in your mouth, escaping only when he forced yours to open by ensconcing his tongue between your lips, as he lapped up the remaining blood and proceeded to suck on the spot on your lip where the incision was made.
Your eyes opened to a squint only to meet piercing red eyes. They told a story, one whose ending you’d successfully deducted earlier, one that Nanami still now appeared to be unable to accept.
This wouldn’t be enough for him.
You felt the world tilt suddenly, and it took you a few seconds to realize that he had flipped your positions, his eyes never leaving yours. When you felt his arms carefully cushion your fall, you knew that he was still more man than beast.
You could not say the same for yourself.
Years of studying vampires, of hunting them down as a Hunter, could only help you label what was happening, not control it.
You used your right hand to pull the box braids that had bunched around your neck aside, tilting your head to the side to give him access to your neck.
Under your observation, he hesitated, ever the paragon of self-control.
You reached your hand up and placed it on his, and slid it up his arm, then to the back of his head, right at his undercut. When you pulled him down, it was again without resistance. His eye color flickered faster as he got closer.
“Forgive me,” you heard him whisper, a warm breath that went into your ear and straight to your core.
Your mind was hazy and you couldn’t tell what he was apologizing for. Either way, your answer would be the same.
“Don’t hold back,” you whispered so softly that you didn’t know if he’d heard it.
The act didn’t shock you as much as the first time; it came in a brief sting and a sensation of soft lips that contrasted the sharp fangs that already established punctures. You gasped, and he stilled; you felt him reverse, but you stopped him before he could, pushing his head back down onto your neck. After a brief pause, he picked up where he left off and you heard the rest more than you felt it. His quick rhythmic breaths and inaudible gasps evened out as he sated himself.
“Why would a Bloodborn feed a lowly Special Grade vampire?”
It was a genuine question you’d asked, what felt like several lifetimes ago. Back then, it was unfathomable. Right now, it was blatantly obvious.
“Shouldn’t I be saying the same to you, Miss Bloodborn?”
You tried not to think too hard about the contempt that dripped in Nanami's tone when he’d referred to your identity, at the reality that your feelings would likely never be reciprocated.
You could have sworn that Nanami detected your disquiet, because as if on cue, he brought up his right hand, tracing soothing small circles around your exposed shoulder.
In your confused haze, you tried to tell yourself not to read too much into this sudden attuned gentleness. You didn’t realize that you too had started scratching circles with your nails into his undercut until you felt the perceptible shudder that ran through his body right as you did.
He shifted his position slightly as you felt drops trickle down your neck, and you held your breath as he chased them with his tongue, moving lower down, over your collarbone, getting dangerously close to your chest. When he closed in on the drop of blood, he sucked a little harder at the fleshy skin just above your chest, eliciting a small moan from you. The heat that was slowly forming in your core ignited like a solar flare. He stopped his movements and when his eyes shot up to yours through his disheveled hair; they had reverted to their natural hazel hue again.
A pang of arousal shot through you violently. Centuries of dormancy came roaring back to life. The lines between human and vampiric urges were now thoroughly blurred.
Nanami straightened up, and you watched a second conflict cloud his eyes, primal but very much human.
The sight of your red blood over his skin should not have been doing this much to you. But it did.
“You’re going through Bloodthirst.”
A statement more than a question. He wiped his mouth with his sleeve before he started rolling it back, exposing a veiny arm.
“The first waves after transforming will be brutal. I imagine yours will be intense since you’re-”
“Bloodborn.” You completed his sentence for him. “You must really hate me right now.” Even as you identified the self-destructive mental pattern you were sliding into, it’s not like you could stop it. Anything to get him to change his mind. Anything to have him push you away.
“I don’t hate you,” he simply said.
“You hate Bloodborns.”
“Still quick to make snap judgments, I see.”
You sensed a reversing shift in your dynamic; his invitation, your resistance.
You said nothing in response, and he simply extended his arm. You kept your eyes locked on his as you sank your fangs into his arm.
Nothing could have prepared you for the taste of Nanami Kento’s blood.
You were a lot less gracious than he was, a lot less controlled. It was like being catapulted through a range of vivid emotions, colors associated with feelings, sounds associated with sentiment.
You were lost in the sensations. You ached with him and you raged with him; you felt his sorrow and his devotion. Overwhelmed by the sentiments he was telegraphing, you opened your eyes to Nanami quietly observing you, his usually unreadable face twisted into a perceptible sadness. Only once you were finally sated, once the intense pang of thirst subsided to a low baseline hum did you finally pull back, your eyes still trained on his.
“I could never hate you,” he added, as though to emphasize what he’d just undeniably showed through his blood, the corners of his lips tugging into the tiniest, sad smile that brought tears to your eyes.
Nanami brought two fingers up to your chin, pushing the rest of the dripping blood into your mouth. You closed your lips over his fingers, maintaining eye contact as you brought your face closer to his, emboldened by the combination of your awakening, of his words, and of the little glint in his eye. He didn’t move until you released him, like he was awaiting for permission.
“I don’t hate you either,” you managed to whisper against his lips, before closing the distance.
When you did kiss this time, it was in earnest. It was fervent and urgent, all tongues and teeth. There was a moment you were both clinging to, both determined to not let escape. You’d never felt so attuned to someone, it was as though tasting his blood had opened a new dimension within your mind.
His tongue snagged onto your sharpened fang, and he hissed at the contact, sending a shiver down your spine. You tasted his blood and this time it wobbled with treacherous exhilaration. The first signal that he, too, was unraveling.
When Nanami’s mouth moved downward, it was in a mix of kisses and nips and bites. He was gentle but left marks. In his onslaught, he paused just above your breast and gave the area a sly lick before he continued. He finally tugged on the corners of your shirt and gently pulled it over your head, finally able to grant attention to your left side, starting at your neck, peppering every inch of your body with his kisses from your collarbone to your breast to your abdomen. He pulled your pants down, your underwear followed. His movements were optimized, precise.
When he stopped and called out to you, you almost did not hear over the now overwhelmingly loud sound of your blood coursing through your veins and your pants as you tried to keep yourself tethered to reality. You raised your head in time to see him hovering over your core, stormy eyes telegraphing a question.
“Please, Nanami,” you breathed out.
It was all he needed to hear. With the two fingers that were between your lips just a moment ago, he slid between your legs and began to work you.
The gasp that escaped your lips was one of both shock and pleasure. You moaned as he played you, like a musician would his instrument, first with his fingers, then with his tongue, then with both. Your heightened senses made you feel every brush, every knead, every minute variation in movement as he found alternating rhythms.
“Hah…fuck!” you cried out.
“My good girl. Don’t hold back on me,” he said, echoing a markedly less tame version of the coaxing you’d whispered into his ear earlier, and only then did you realize how utterly flipped this script had become. Your mind spun at the swiftness by which the tables had turned, at the polarity, at the juxtaposition of is controlled passion and your erratic unraveling.
The vibration of his voiced praise rumbled into your core and tingled up into your brain, and that was enough to push you over the edge. You couldn’t coherently voice your pleasure if you tried. Only words of gibberish ran through your mind as you slowly came undone on his fingers, exhaling expletives punctuated by open-mouthed gasps of his name.
He continued lapping at you, cleaning off every inch of your surface area, until you grabbed the back of his head, right at his undercut again, your new favorite place. You brought him up to find the remnants of your blood on his chin, now newly covered with a sheer layer.
He looked so alluring.
“Nanami…” you murmured.
In a manifestation of your newfound ability for quick recovery, you raised yourself up and straddled him for the second time that night. You grabbed his face into your hands and kissed him, intoxicated by the taste of all versions of yourself in his mouth. This time it was slower, more careful, tongues caressing each other in a reluctant fight for domination, a battle you both dragged out, not wanting it to end. You found a back-and-forth rhythm that you emulated with your hips, grinding against his, chasing any form of friction, realizing only now how bothersome of a barrier his clothes were between you two.
You pulled back, working your way down to undo the buttons of his shirt, and he watched you. You couldn’t help but trace your fingers against his muscles as you did, working your way up from his stomach, up his chest, to his shoulder. He let out a soft and low groan as your cold finger traced his heated skin.
You had already grabbed his belt, eager to pull more of those sweet sounds out of him by returning the favor he’d so graciously done for you, when you spotted it, at the juncture of his neck and shoulder, a prominent scar denoting two incisions, unmistakably from a vampire bite.
“Is this from…?” You trailed off, still struggling to label the horrific event that nearly destroyed his life.
“It is.”
You glanced at him as he averted his eyes, but not quick enough for you not to catch the expression on his face. It did not belong to the vampire, not even to the man, but to the young boy who bore the misplaced burden of not being able to protect his dear friend, and who came out of that incident less human than he went in.
You’d never known Nanami to be emotionally expressive. Even throughout this passionate encounter, his countenance carried a control that paradoxically garnered both your admiration and your frustration. But right now, as you traced a finger over the reminder of that painful memory, you watched his face twist beyond its usual air of melancholy, his features betraying the sorrow that still festered beneath his surface.
The thought of another Bloodborn being the source of the torment of the sweet man before you triggered something violent within you. You were ruled by extreme emotion, by an unharnessed urge to make things right, driven by a desperate powerlessness at what should have been the height of your powers.
How you longed to go back in time and undo the calamity inflicted by this beast.
How you wished you could absorb all of his pain, if only for a moment.
How you desperately wanted to overwrite the damage caused by this destructive bite.
Logic said that you couldn’t do any of these things. But you were a far ways from being anything within the realm of logical right now.
You were not thinking clearly when you sunk your teeth right where the faded scars were, in an untenable attempt to draw out pain more than blood. Your mind was a haze when your hot tears mixed with the blood you were drawing. You were disoriented when you finally relented, burying your face into the side of his neck and squeezing him into a tight hug. But you were very much in your right mind when you uttered your next words.
“I’m here for you, Nanami,” you said in his ear.
“I know,” he whispered back, after a moment.
This wouldn’t be enough.
He shifted his weight over you, bringing you back down. Your hands flew to his pants as soon as he freed you from his embrace and for a moment, you wondered what you looked like: tear struck face, bloody mouth, disheveled hair, fumbling with his belt like your life depended on it. You wondered how it was, that after he placed his hands over yours to help you remove the last barrier of clothing that separated you and you finally looked up at him, that you found him gazing down at you in quiet reverence.
“Can I-”
“Yes, please, yes,” you said in a low whimper as you buzzed with anticipation.
His lips found your forehead just as you felt him notch into you, and you squirmed and gasped into his chest at the sudden but welcome invasion.
“Fuck,” he hissed. “Did I-”
“No, hah, don’t stop!” you sighed, grabbing his arms to brace yourself.
He kept going until he filled you completely.
And then again.
And again.
Your bodies moved in tandem, a decade of longing that took classmates to fire-forged partners to blood-bound lovers, manifested in the most tender dance you’d engage in that night, pure affection finally triumphing over ferality, even as you exchanged the most breathless words and the most salacious sounds, even as you vigorously met each other at each thrust, each trying to prove an unspoken point, even as your bodies violently thrummed with the need for release. And when your flashing eyes met as you both barrelled towards your climax, a wordless plea floated between you two.
Don’t hold back.
And neither of you did.
It was early afternoon now. You were lying on your side, facing Nanami, who was lying on his back. You were in a mesmerized trance, tracing over his taut muscles, accustoming yourself to your newfound heightened senses of his vitals. You basked in this warm cocoon of comfort, stretching out what you both knew to be a mirage of a moment of peace.
“What am I thinking now?” he asked. You traced over where you saw his chest rumble from his voice.
“I told you, it doesn’t work that way. So far, it’s only been sensations at given times. And it seems to be in moments of intense emotion. I still have a lot to learn about… all of this.”
“It will be an adjustment. Your case is rare but not unheard of. And you won’t have to face it alone,” he said, after a moment.
“I’m not even sure I could reliably trace far enough to find my Bloodborn ancestor. Both sides of my family are from old Hunter clans, as far as I know. A Hunter breaking ranks to get with a vampire must have been considered to be the ultimate act of treason, especially in that time.”
“I might be biased, but I could see how treason can be relative,” he said playfully as he took your hand in his. You pondered on the weight of his words, on the uncanny parallels to your current disposition, on history rhyming.
“We should have Shoko check you out. We can trust her.”
“No. We’re closing in on the hideout and that beast. This is our chance. I’m not leaving until we finish this. There’s a reason you haven’t told anyone either. We have to do this our way.”
Nanami’s reservations were palpable, but you both knew that he couldn’t counter that argument. You attempted to change the topic.
“So… you heal quickly, and have heightened senses, though not as good as mine. You’re also a weakling to sunlight and you sometimes eat for two.”
“That’s certainly one way to put it.”
“This is like that video game. You remember the one with the convoluted stats, that one RPG Haibara kept trying to get us to play?”
Nanami hummed. Silence. Then a scoff.
“What is it?” you asked.
“He was hellbent on you and I getting together. Even after you moved away. He said that it was inevitable and that if we couldn’t make it work, then he would. I was just thinking that in a twisted way, he did.”
It was your turn to scoff.
He raised a curious eyebrow at you.
“You just implied that we ended up getting together. I don’t remember that happening.”
“Oh, you don’t think so? We’ll have to rectify that. After the mission.” He grabbed your hand in his.
“After the mission,” you echoed. A silence. You fidgeted with his hand.
After a moment, you pulled away from him, and turned on your back, mirroring his position as you faced the ceiling.
“We’ll avenge him, Nanami.” Your words fluted upwards, a crimson vow, binding a Bloodborn and her consort.
“We will.”
You felt the cocoon of warmth dismantle as you both made the mental migration back to the task at hand.
Two nights later, you set out to execute an assault.
You’d composed a message to the school, detailing your plan of attack and strategically scheduled it to send for the last possible moment, right before your planned incursion. It was the best compromise you and Nanami had settled on, as you looked to minimize any detection that could be triggered by the other Hunters in order to maximize your chances of success.
You’d found the entrance, combatted the weak forces that grew stronger as you approached their leader and had found yourself facing your ultimate target.
The plan had gone as anticipated, until this moment, which found you contending with the one thing you’d both failed to plan for: a mental hold the vampire revealed itself to have on Nanami, drawing from the tethering connection a Bloodborn could exploit with their victim.
At first Nanami’s movements were simply slowed, then stalled, then stopped. For the moment, it seemed to have incapacitated him.
You’d continued to dodge the vampire’s attacks as you evaluated Nanami’s condition, and for the moment that was all you could do. Your current plan of attack relied on both your dexterous movements and Nanami’s close-range combat to land incisive blows on the beast.
You’d prepared to take a defensive stance until you noticed that the Bloodborn was no longer attacking Nanami. And was instead fixing you.
Your eyes moved to Nanami’s just in time for you to watch them flicker to those crimson irises, markers of the vampire within.
The Bloodborn growled out an order in a language you did not need to understand in order to decipher its message, the validity of your interpretation confirmed as Nanami turned to you in what appeared to be a sudden, combative stance. You backed up as he trudged towards you, his cleaver wielded, his vampiric eyes fixing you in calculation. A cackle emanated from the Bloodborn, visibly pleased at the scene unfolding in front of it.
Nanami was now a few meters away from you, and you had half a mind to catapult yourself off the back wall to dodge what was obviously an imminent attack. If you could just dodge the attacks coming from both and hold off until the reinforcements arrived…
Instead, you stayed in place, opting to call out his name, an attempt to appeal to the human you hoped could still hear you, to the man you cherished.
You watched his eyes flicker ever so slightly, so subtly that you wondered if you’d imagined it.
Finally, he reached you, and you heard the distinctive shot of one of your incendiary rounds traveling through the air before you registered that, in a swift movement, exploiting a moment of arrogance on the part of the Bloodborn, Nanami had grabbed your weapon from your holster and fired a direct shot clean through its heart.
When the Hunter’s eyes flickered back to normal, showing a definitive break from his mental captivity, you knew you were back on track. He leaned against the wall for support, likely having used up all of his energy into executing his gambit.
Out of the corner of your eye, you saw the Bloodborn struggle in attempting to get back to its feet. Without a word, you took Nanami’s cleaver and used the back wall to launch yourself towards your weakened target.
You flew through the air and landed an incisive blow, cutting the vampire in half, ending his torment over the region and its inhabitants, once and for all.
You detected a large amount of familiar signatures approaching. A group of Hunters.
You rushed back to Nanami’s side, who was still leaning on the wall but on his back, having watched the final scene unfold. You gently grabbed his hand from his side and raised it up, and placed the handle of his cleaver into it. You brought your other hand to cup his cheek and his eyes finally met yours.
In the moment, it was not joy, nor sadness, nor relief that ruled his expression, but a wordless acknowledgment of a vow kept.
#nanami kento#nanami x reader#nanami kento x reader#nanami smut#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen x you#nanami x you#jjk x reader#jjk x you#nanami x reader smut#jujutsu kaisen smut#jjk smut#nanami kento smut#vampire au#vampire nanami#jjk angst#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#spookinky2024#pmpmyread
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I don't wanna write this post, I never want to. I don't wanna talk about how great Liam was, or about the songs he wrote.
Because I don't wanna exist in or believe that there is a world where Liam Payne doesn't exist in present tense.
From assuming that this was gonna be some ordinary boyband, to them becoming the reason my tears turn to my smile, I grew up. Everyone always said that I'd "grow out of this boyband phase" and yet 11 years later, I still get excited when any song comes on the radio, or my shuffle list, or when I hear a very beloved high note in a song.
Hell, I squeal like a child whenever I see glimpses of them at some event , or glimpses of them just living their normal life and doing the most mundane thing.
It doesn't feel real, I saw the news as soon as I woke up, and the next few hours were me wishing that this is a fake article, that it's one of those sick nightmares and I'll wake up to reality, that he's just in critical condition or coma , that he's not dead, that he's not GONE, not like THIS, not NOW. This wasn't meant to happen until I'm in my 60's.
What I always loved about Liam was, how gentle AND strong he was. He stood up for things that were right and was fierce enough to start a fight if he needed to protect himself or his loved ones. He was fierce, yes , but the way that boy loved , oh lord, like he's known you for decades to love and care about you that way, his eyes, I always loved how his eyes crinkled when he smiled big (like in the picture). There are very few people who have both of these.
And I always hated how they slowly started losing that spark in the last few years.
Everyone blamed him for every miniscule thing. First it was about "not being as attractive as the other boys, having basic dark features."
Then about that stupid Logan Paul episode. Everyone knows how influencers and media love to twist things and statements to get clicks and views, Logan Paul being notorious for this. Especially when he was clearly intoxicated. Then people started forgetting about him, and whenever he did show up , he was always targeted
1. Harry dances at Niall's concert, it's cute and supportive, Liam does the same and suddenly he's an attention seeker.
2. When some other member is drunk at an public event, "it's so adorable, he's so piss drunk lollll,". When liam looks intoxicated, "ugh the drug addict is back at it again".
3. He supported Zayn and commented on his post asking him to dm. He got dubbed as a 'desperate fangirl'
or stealing Lou's spotlight at his film premiere when all he did was SHOW UP. and then there were thousands of posts about how everyone hates the jaw fat removal treatment he did.
There were a lot of people like us who loved and supported Liam, yes, but I can't help but think he always got the short end of the stick. Every. Single. Time.
And I in no way will ever blame Maya Henry for his death. Or say that she is wrong for speaking up about her experience with Liam . She has the right to express herself and what she went through. We didn't know Liam personally and we'll never know for sure if these allegations were true.
But I will hate her for dishing out some secrets that were supposed to be just between the boys, just to get views and validation. And that sent another wave of haters to Liam.
I wish he got the help, even in his last moments, when he literally CONVULSED and collapsed in the lobby , clearly intoxicated with drugs, they forced him to go to his room alone , high as fuck, with an open balcony.
I wish the world gave him half the love he gave out to others.
Liam, I really wish you did stay exactly where you were, you are perfect.
Mainblog
#liam payne#liam 1d#harry 1d#harry styles#1direction#niall horan#zayn malik#louis tomilson#liam james payne#harry edward styles#niall james horan#louis william tomlinson#zayn javadd malik#one direction#louis 1d#1d#zayn 1d#niall 1d#liam payne tribute#liam payne death#rip liam payne#rest in peace liam#payno#directioners#1d fandom#1 direction
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Nurturing November: Day 3: character background
Throughout this month, I’ll be sharing character-building exercises that I have completed that will bring out my ocs’ more tender sides. This can be anything from snippets to oc questions to character analysis.
Despite the grim, icy setting of the North Crater, Bianca clings to the traditions of Earth, especially during the colder months where it becomes even chillier. Growing up in a world so detached from Gaia (the Planet in FF 7), she finds comfort in celebrating holidays that connect to her memories of her past life. Even if her stepfather, David Moore, and she moved from one seedy hotel to another every six months to escape the cult of Asmodeus, they still remembered the warmth that her surrogate mother, Sarah Moore, brought to their lives around the holidays before she passed away. This practiced is now especially meaningful with Sephiroth, as it invites something warmer into their chaotic lives. It highlights her resilience: no matter how dark her journey gets that there are still moments of heart-filled honesty. For Bianca, these winter celebrations offer a rare reprieve, a chance to hold on to fragments of who she was prior to her fall into that world.
Using her reality-bending magic, Bianca has created a cozy cabin in the North Crater, surrounded by an enchanted forest that materializes only when she wills it into being. She decorates the cabin for each holiday, weaving lights, garlands, and other festive touches entirely from her magic, as Sephiroth has told her to train to control her magic. This is now a hidden retreat where she and Sephiroth — as Sephiroth assumes control over SC X — can go to get away from the barren landscape. He calls this ‘playing house’.
Her gestures towards Sephiroth are intimate yet subtle. Each one evokes a sense of warmth and togetherness. She’ll find small ways to create a feeling of holiday spirit, such as creating decorations from the crystals found around the crater or humming familiar songs while she completes her duties as the self-imposed ‘High Priestess of Jenova’. Her favorite tune during Christmas is ‘Sleigh Ride’. In her gestures, she will often reflect her love languages, showing Sephiroth something real and tangible beyond his anger and the need to punish Shinra and humanity. For Sephiroth, who has known little beyond Shinra’s cold isolation starting from birth, these moments become cherished symbols of Bianca’s nurturing nature and full a desire to get her justice for everyone who has hurt her, humanity. The ability to weave warmth into their lives, even in the North Crater’s harshness, shows the quiet strength of her love and devotion, a strength that intrigues and continues to draw Sephiroth closer to her, as she shares with him the cheer Sarah instilled in her during the holidays.
I'm not going to tag the following every day for this, but I thought you'd enjoy reading about Bianca and Sephiroth more 'normal' and romantic reactions.
tagging some fellow mutuals: @themaradwrites @littleshopofchaos @serenofroses @megandaisy9 @watermeezer
@nightingaleflow @seastarblue @prehistoric-creatures @creativechaosqueen
@chickensarentcheap @serenofroses
#oc: bianca moore - ff#character: sephiroth#sephiroth#otp: sephiroth / bianca#sephiroth x oc#oc x canon#fantasy worlds collide#fwc: ff#cd: backstory#nuturenov: day 3: backstory#long post#nurturenov#nurturenov2024#nurturenov: fwc
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HELLZ YEAH TUBI MENTION
I'm dead serious when I say Tubi is possibly the most criminally underrated streaming platform out there. Sure, it's got a lot of crap on it, and I mean a LOT of truly abysmal, low-effort crap, but then again, all in all, what streaming service doesn't? The big draw about Tubi is that in a world where more and more movies and shows are becoming lost media due to the pitfalls of the streaming industry, Tubi is out here doing its part to preserve several shows and movies that would otherwise become completely lost. That in and of itself is highly admirable and is worth at least my respect as a result.
And did I mention it's completely free??
That's right, it's 100% free to download and watch its plethora of content at any given time, with or without an account, with refreshingly minimal ads. You only really need an account if you want to create a personal list of content and/or want to save your watch progress on anything.
Still not convinced? Well, what if I add an extra incentive to a relatively niche fandom I'm a part of, compared to most normal and well-adjusted people on Tumblr? ... Wait, that's an oxymoron, let me rephrase that 🙃
But for real, to any and all fellow Transformers fans here on Tumblr, Tubi is THE place for more quality Transformers content than any other streaming service! Sure, Netflix has the first season of Transformers Prime, but where the hell is the rest of the series, you ask? You already know, it's on Tubi baby~ Not to mention Tubi also has all of G1, Beast Wars, Beast Machines, the Unicron Trilogy (Armada, Energon, Cybertron), and Animated!
And that's just for one fandom among many others that Tubi has covered! It also has a hearty plethora of anime (and not obscure shit either, I'm talking big dogs like JoJo's Bizarre Adventure, Hunter x Hunter, Naruto, Yu-Gi-Oh, Ranma 1/2, Cardcaptor Sakura, Case Closed, Lupin the 3rd, Digimon, Pop Team Epic, and even more recent meme darling My Deer Friend Nokotan), a ton of DC content outsourced from HBO Max because of recent WB incompetence in how desperately they're trying to save face, several of the OG Super Sentai series, several Don Bluth and Laika films, the first seven Doctor Who series, and many others I may have missed here.
So yeah, Tubi fuckin' slaps, highly recommend starting on it when you guys can~
wish more people knew of I Am Dragon (2015) because I’m mostly alone in thinking it’s one of the best love story movies about a princess and a dragon
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Scavengers Reign warmup fan art
#scavengers reign#fan art#animation#speculative biology#mak's art#creatures#i'm having a real normal one about this show#begging on my hands and knees for people to watch this show i need the work that has gone into it to be appreciated#if you like body horror and speculative biology and sci-fi you will adore it
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20/10 stars little guy
#me (scrounging undetected autist whose ideal fashion sense is ''if i have to be seen at all: shrouded'') seeing encanto the other month.....#and on top of it all i LOVE slice of life. encanto being so focused on What It's About that there's so much of that + character / dynamic#also part of what i loved abt pixar luca. ppl like ''simple story but not a problem :)'' like YEAH thank god it's Also so slice of lifey#2021 what a year lol. though again i only Just saw encanto....tfw Studio Creative Control backs off a bit more than usual: Joy & Wonders#anyway i knew going in bruno wasn't an antagonist (fine if he was though b/c slay & b/c scapegoats can do whatever they want)#knew i'd love him b/c again Scapegoat shows up & i'm the Amazing Showstopping Totally Unique Never The Same gif on loop#but what a delight even beyond those expectations lol. love again how Focused the movie is on What It's About & Thee Points it makes#the Characters / Dynamics & the Metaphor & the plot stays right with all of that. the focus & importance re: thee scapegoats....#& bruno being disabled like whole layer of Yay Yay Yay spamming. that even when He's Back we're reminded he's not ''normal now'' or w/e#(i.e. presenting that as The Good Ending for the disabled outcast. vs just being embraced as part of the group again & accepted As He Is)#meanwhile was like hmm chat is there queercoding do we think? like is he queer: Yes. but is there coding? hmm#sure isn't cishet coded though. but i was also having the thought like fellas is it gay to [higher tenor tessitura or w/e] lol#made me go ''do i know this voice? ok do i know this name / face / actor? (i have never seen anything ever / bad w/names/faces/voices)''#indeed was like yeah haven't seen this; heard of this; seen it once ages ago no way i remember more than like 0.6 details#then from ''ohh haha I'm A Mammal That Cares....yeah i hear that'' to ''omg CHI-CHI RODRIGUEZ???? ;;0;;'' waaah fantastic revelation lmao#also the way Literal Future Seer ability was externalized to make it more wrangleable for plot is so impressive & fun & excellent#got a lot of [i like this thing i saw a lot] i got to say....guess i can do that w/the sideblog i made for one drawing i made last night#encanto 2021#bruno madrigal#also the way bruno is so Nervous + Hiding / Bold + Big Personality like yes ha ha ha Yes....tamped down as ''too much'' experience#also the [stuttering stumbling muttering mumbling] line: i fr nigh wept upon going back over a moment like what am i hearing here?#& realizing the answer was: it's bruno quietly stuttering a moment during this one line (& then (& then (& then)) i saw you) ;;;mm;;;#hang onnn....the first scapegoat who's driven off being Disabled is so real so ;m; that again they're like so he got Weirder; Okay ;;m;;#that we get jorge thumbs up nobody having an Aside to be like [ugh; this guy] or Anything. augh always have too much to say for 30 tags#fabric drape there sure not accurate but i was like okay if i try to really reference that i'm not getting this done tonight
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I can't believe Vox having cables coming from his back is Canon!
Vox's bare antennas is so cute too <33
The Voxval crumb is delicious <333 They're so married
The way this is the only released reference sheet that has another character in it too lmao
#may asher rambles#hazbin hotel vox#staticmoth#In Smiles we trust#i'm so normal about him guys#the cables are real#also something about Val being the one that show Vox's bare antennas is very hghhhhhhhhhh#Val's forbidden lollipop cuz he's used to having something to suck/inhale
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I love analysis and debates to a weird degree, so for all its worth, your arguments are fantastic.
But at least we both agree that Mafumom is wrong because that's the whole point of the story. If anyone thinks otherwise then I think they need to reevaluate themselves more than anything
Also I'm using the argument that she knows only that one way and thinks any other is wrong because of her past with her family so I may be using the wrong terminology when explaining myself. But it is rather obvious she is living vicariously through Mafuyu, as you said. The more correct term maybe something along those lines. But I still stand by my theory that Mafumom's family is like that and she passed on her own troubles to Mafuyu because she took the wrong lessons to heart.
Also like, the woman is married. That's the real question here. How did she marry a nice guy like Mafuyu's dad? Granted he's absent but again, don't know his work and he's not the only parent in the story to not show up much in their kids life(Tenma's dad is a company executive and travels for work a lot too, but then again he's still involved so maybe bad example)
Is she normal in every thing but child raising? Probably since her husband didn't even realize what she's doing until it's too late, that and his work making him absent
If Sega isn't gonna give us the why she abused Mafuyu at least give us a how and why she got married. I want a divorce arc so bad, I think it would be a fun storyline. But rn it's a Mizuki storyline in the main Niigo events, so we won't circle back to Mafuyu for a bit
Oh! Who wants to make up backstories about Mafuyu's dad this time? We've analyzed her mom, what about her dad?
We know he's rich (implied in immiscible discord) and the main breadwinner, also has work busy enough that he isn't as actively involved in his one kid's life. But he isn't a bad man, just a man that fell into a bad situation in terms of family. If he is a prestigious man like Tenma dad, who is a company executive, it may have contributed to the pressure on Mafuyu. Yknow keep the Asahina name honorable or something by being a successful doctor. He certainly isn't like that tho, so more and more questions arise.Is his family accidentally helping pressure Mafuyu too? Or are they as absent as he is because of outside circumstances. What about Mafuyu's parents are they also pressuring her to pressure Mafuyu?
...
I need to write a fan fiction now
THANK YOU FOR INSPIRING ME
I love you ❤
Let's debate more, your insight has been helpful to my writers block
The more I read Mafuyu's stories the more confused I am about why her mom is like that. She has the temperament of a good parent, being able to control her emotions, but she chooses to guilt trip her kid who was probably scared after getting lost? She reacted calmly at first, but went about scolding her like Mafuyu is intentionally hurting her by getting lost instead of getting lost because she's a kid and stuff happens.
Like, if you can stay calm enough that your first response is to not scold her but check in on her, why would you guilt trip your kid after? A simple, don't it again, would've scared a kid enough to not do it again. But no! It's you're turning out to be a bad girl instead. Oh I'm sorry, who wasn't paying attention to her kid in a busy theme park? Not Mafuyu, but you
Girl could've been kidnapped and you'd have found a way to blame her, honestly
Honestly it seems like her mom is the culmination of the worst of toxic culture mixed into one and making it generational. I'm still gonna believe my theory that it's generational and that Mafuyu is breaking the generational trauma.
If Mafuyu really did end up being a doctor, what then? Yeah she would've been a great one, but what then? Being in the medical field ia stressful enough, add to it her not being able to feel her own emotions, what's gonna happen to the patients who needs their doctors to go beyond the physical and Mafuyu can't provide that?
What was the point of all that she did?
Mafuyu's mental state is shattered, add to it the stress of the medical field, it's easy to see where it'll end up. Again add to it the toxic work culture Japan has, if she gets lucky she gets a normal hospital, if not, good luck. That girl is gone and never moving up to be a successful doctor with her people pleasing facade. They're gonna take advantage of her.
Honestly, Mafuyu isn't even my favorite on the priority list, but the fact her mom exists is the only reason I want to dissect her. As a (young) adult with a somewhat good upbringing, she confuses me. No matter how hard I try to think from her perspective I can't. And as someone getting how to care for yourself advice now, she confuses me even more. Work all the time is obviously not optimal but that's just how it is in her head. It is optimal because Mafuyu is focused on that, she'll get it. Which isn't true, as Farewell my mask shows, girl cannot focus because test day is near and the stress of upsetting her mom pretty much makes her crash and burn.
I have so much thoughts. It's getting too long.
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the correct way to deal with the escaped dinos in the Jurassic World Series is to kill them. Kill them all. Invasive species, absolutely going to ruin every ecosystem they enter. no we do not have to live in harmony with them, they are unnatural beasts in fact anyone with any enviromentalist backbone would say you need to kill them to keep nature safe. i do not hold this against chaos theory because "rawr dinosaurs" is a fun show I love it, but if I lived in universe you have to understand I would be calling for their eradication and calling Darius and Ben stupid fucking idiots on national television.
#Jurassic park#Jurassic world#jurassic series#jurassic world chaos theory#jurassic world camp cretaceous#jurassic world: dominion#jurassic world evolution 2#seriously you are going to collapse the entire country if you just let countless invasive species roam#i'm not worried about them killing us i'm worried they get into the national parks and push out a keystone species#i promise i am normal#i enjoy these shows#i love these characters#but i need to vent somewhere#if a bunch of robots came in and tore up the enviroment we'd be like “so sad what we have done to nature”#but the minute the human made monstrosties are dinos (and not even real ones) letting them ruin everything is livinf in peace with nature
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ruthlessly deleting old 2021/2022 posts (not by me) from my dean studies tag like *click* un-incorporating that from my beliefs system! also the way SO many posts have me like ok uh-huh good aaand then say one completely wrong thing that loses me. it's so many posts.
#it's usually when they randomly drop some line of fanon. like saying dean has never admitted to being wrong in his life#or never expressed an emotion or been vulnerable or doesn't Talk About Feelings or is super duper RepressedTM#like i'm sorry. have you watched the show. oh and have you taken off the sammy POV goggles first?#bc this guy is always crying and being vulnerable and talking about his feelings. he is self-aware.#he may not always want to talk to sam abt things! but he sure does talk about things with other people#do i need to reblog the compilation posts AGAIN?#(also re: his sexualiy? AWARE. sorry i saw him flirt and be flustered by so many men. he knows how he feels.)#and then 'first time ever admitting to being wrong' this one came from a post abt dean's prayer in the trap#like i'm sorry but first of all. dean apologizes more than any other character on the show. there are hard numbers on this.#people have tracked this on spreadsheets. i think ilarual is one of them.#and often he is apologizing for things that aren't even his fault! but he still feels responsible for bc he's been made to feel that way#his whole life!!#other characters *cough samandcas *cough* apologizing Less doesn't mean they've Done less things wrong#it just means they're not owning up to it and brushing it under the rug. something both do frequently.#anyways. aside from apologies. dean also has no problem admitting he's wrong y'know when he's actually wrong#which is less often than you'd think bc he has pretty good instincts and intuition and often suspects things which turn out to be Right#but anyways. another thing abt the trap prayer is. i don't think cas Needed to be forgiven#i think dean was justified in feeling angry w cas over the circumstances leading to the Death of His Mother! totally normal grief response!#i think cas also understands dean to be someone who needs time to process and deal with his feelings (he says as much to jack)#however. despite me not think dean Needs to forgive cas. the thing is. with dean when it comes to cas the forgiveness is implicit#when he says /of course i forgive you/ and in the cut like /of course i wanted you to stay/ like. yes he was mad and dealing with grief#but also. yes cas was already forgiven even back then. he just needed Time to work through the feelings#anyways i think dean says he 'forgives' cas bc it's what CAS needed to hear to stop feeling guilty and dean gives him that closure#but i also think cas was already forgiven even in dean's anger. he wants him there always. i'd rather have you. we can fix this. etc etc#a lot of tags for a non-rebloggable post ajksdfs maybe i'll make these into a real post sometime#vic.txt#dean and feelings#so i can find this all again later
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When a character has not only a canonical allergy, but a reoccurring canonical allergy >>>>>
Especially when there's no actual reason for it to occur again?? Just cause they wanted to?? An almost entirely sneeze/stuffed up driven allergy.... 🔥🔥
#waterfalltalks#I'm not normally one to talk about tv shows that aren't drawn/podcast format but uhm#I've been into them WAY longer than anime or podcasts#just never super comfortable with making content/posts about them in this sense#but that said.... been rewatching c/astle again and uh#one of my fav lil guys on that show has a goose-feather allergy!#that is not only the cause of 3 snz in one of the first season episodes#(those DO have a point but only for a little joke thingy that definitely COULD have been done another way-)#not horribly acted~! not amazing but pretty damn good#but!! not only that!! about 5 seasons later... for NO obvious reason... feathers are back#and this time its only one (in my opinion much better acted) but theres! no real reason! for it!!!!#just a callback to his allergy????? hhhhh swooning over here#anyways sorry welcome to feral hours with waterfall i am hhhh~#love this show- that included or excluded its one of my favourites~
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"… it was a lie. a lie that not even he was aware of. my father? he was adopted, he was never actually born a pederson." he had a right to know because in a way it had shaped a lot of his years as much as it had shaped hers. hadn't it? he'd been right there with her, when her father had been making her life hell ; he had a right to know that basically… it had all been bollocks. "he was, is. it's rather complicated. not much of a surprise there, hm?" she smiled but it was evident her smile was full of sadness. no, she had never wanted to lose parker but her father having to lose will? all because he had been the one to constantly defend her? none of this should ever have happened.
"you like it?" but she clearly already knew the answer with how she was grinning back. the fact she was grinning, for whatever reason made her blush. perhaps, because it felt like she hadn't grinned genuinely like this since the last time she saw him alive. "that's a strong possibility but i'm not sure that there's a chance of ever changing that now, hm? i'm not sure we're a viable match for normal, those days are long behind us. normal is… boring. i could care less for it. i would rather have complicated with you than normal with anyone else." she didn't care for normal, it was a word she'd never practically known the meaning too. not really. she'd never experienced it. "bring someone? i'm not sure how appropriate it would be for me to show up with my ten dogs? is this place even dog friendly?" she did smile at him, she was being… playful. it was her way of telling him that there was no one like THAT. she had people, she wasn't completely alone but how could she ever love anyone else? "there would be eleven of us. i can pay." she chuckled, letting her thumb stroke over the top of his hand. in all seriousness, she wasn't about to show up there with all her dogs. no, hardly practical. "we could… we could do dinner? i'd like that? unless --" was there someone? not that she cared if there was. that might have been terrible but again, she didn't care. "i could tell you or you could come by sometime and see it for yourself? i could give you the not so grand tour?" the house she picked was nice, no doubts about it but it wasn't… it wasn't the level of fancy that anyone was expecting. "that's alright. you didn't know. i wasn't even aware you were here. this is --" well, IT WAS MEANT TO BE. was there any other way to describe it? "lovable? i'm sure you are the only one to describe me as that." when he placed that lock of hair behind her ear, she knew she was blushing again. it wasn't even the act, it was just because it was him, and so a simple act meant so much more just because it was him doing it.
"i'm not so sure about that. it's been rather… tough for me in that department but i would like to believe that it is." tough was an understatement. how many people had let her down? she didn't want to think about it. "i can, and i will. it's not what you think." she saw him glance to his hands, bringing her hand to gently hold his wrist and give it a reassuring squeeze. "lets them? are they not old enough to make that decision for themselves?" she was defensive but over him, and the fact that this was clearly some kind of fucked up power play ; one she used to know too well and she didn't want that hanging over him… or gabi. "take it from me, and i'd know. money isn't everything. i have seen how you are with gabi, i've seen it parker. i'm sure you're a fantastic father." cecilia instantly felt her body tense when he said that this had all been paid for by elaine, it meant that she could take it away with a snap of her fingers. she'd been in the restaurant once, she held no real attachment for it yet but clearly he did. "no," and it was a sharp no. "you don't owe that woman anything. i have the money, however much it is? tell me, you can have it and use it to pay her back. tell her you won big, i don't care as long as she knows it didn't come from me. i'm asking you to trust me, will you?" she was doing this to protect him, and the money was just sitting there. she didn't want it, she would rather have them both be alive and none of that happened, than have a penny of that money. "yes, i would like that and so would winston. he's been… struggling recently. i'm sure a new friend could be exactly what he needs. we'll set a date, hm?" no hesitation. was she using winston as an excuse to see parker? perhaps, but she was sure he wouldn't mind. well, maybe he would but she was sure he would have a nice time regardless. "if he ever approaches you? don't believe a word he says. call me, and do not go anywhere with him. parker, this is important." because she couldn't… she couldn't do that again. she let him embrace her, sinking into his embrace was the safest she had felt in months. she knew it was by how her breathing was beginning to calm, become less erratic than it had been. "this time it's you that lives." her voice was quiet, even with his hands on the side of her face but regardless of how quiet it was. she meant every word.
cecilia wasn't sure whether they could deepen this kiss any further, however, he proved her wrong and she was glad of that as the kiss deepened. "i love you." she wasn't even aware that she'd managed to say it through the kiss, she didn't even know she'd said it out loud but it didn't matter ; she meant it all the same. she'd pressed the emergency stop button, it would freeze until she pressed it again or until maintenance wizened on and brought the elevator manually to his floor. be mine? i'll do whatever it takes to be yours. the tears were because… this was overwhelming her senses but for once it was in a good way. for the first time since this had happened, she wasn't secretly drowning in grief and guilt. now she was drowning in him and she welcomed it, she welcomed this feeling. this time, this moment, this space was there's and she had every intention of making the most of this time as she could. her lips hadn't broken from his, she had no intention of them doing so either, only in the brief moments where they came up for air before it started again. bringing her free hand she started to undo the buttons on his shirt, squeezing his hand with the one that was still tangled in his. @fcdcdmcmories
"OKAY. GOOD." eyes not leaving her either, because.. yes, he knew what she meant. was that what he was feeling too? honestly, he didn't know how to explain it. it felt as if he had started breathing again as soon as she had walked in and.. maybe, he didn't want to say it out loud because he was too scared too. HOW COULD HE? "if i didn't know any better, i'd say we were talking about a completely different person. the finn pederson? it's.. woah. whoever this person that he loves is.. i hope i get to shake their hand one day. sounds like they may be quite remarkable, if they made all of this HAPPEN when so many others have TRIED?" it was something else and normally, he wouldn't have believed it but he knew her. if there was something that she wouldn't lie about? it was ALL this.
"it's a cute look. i like it. BLUSH AND ALL," he liked it, he liked her - no, he loved her and even looking at the blush on her cheeks made him grin like an idiot. realising that.. yes, he wanted to be the reason behind all of those smiles. selfish? maybe, but.. "you know, sometimes i think that.. we're all too messed up to want anything that other people consider simple. normal. trust me, i tried. doing the whole dating someone else and going for the whole white picket fence life, but.. IT NEVER WORKED OUT. I GUESS I KNOW WHY NOT. I LIKE THE COMPLICATED A LITTLE TOO MUCH." that wasn't why. now, he knew why it hadn't worked out and why it never would, because his heart was with her. he was hers, whole body and heart and fucking soul and god, that was scary. "thank you," not realising that he was literally beaming. "it's never too late, is it? i mean if.. you wanna come over to have dinner and bring someone.. we'd love to have you guys. it'd be on the house, of course. SPECIAL PEOPLE DON'T PAY." did she? have someone? he hadn't considered that possibility until now and.. suddenly, he regretted saying what he had. no, he didn't want to see her come here with anyone else. he didn't want to see her with anyone else at all. "like the one you had back home? you always did like your fancy baths. i'm not surprised. SOME THINGS NEVER CHANGE." nodding a little bit. "i did. i did miss you. i tried not to, but.. i always went right back there. i didn't know you were here or.. i would have.. i don't know.. reached out? said hi?" he was too terrified to do so and still was, but he thought that they'd always end up back here, one way or another. wouldn't they? "no, you don't, but.. that's part of why you're as loveable as you are," moving forward and placing a lock of hair behind her ear, in a gesture that was.. more tender than anything that he had done for anyone in a very long time. right?
"and it's really okay. to let other people in. you'll find that more often than not? they don't let you down." sometimes, they did and that was okay. it was part of life, wasn't it? "you know that you can tell me anything, right?" looking down at his hands for a moment there. "yeah, it's.. laney has them over with her. mostly. she lets them stay over here.. what, once every three weeks? and it's okay. really. she's the big time doctor, who's dating the new mayor and has the biggest hospital in town. she can give them more than i could ever and besides.. i owe her a lot. she leant me the money to pay for.. well, the restaurant. all of this. i'm still paying her back. SLOWLY." sadness passing through his face for a moment, because he did want his daughters to be here more but.. elaine could take care of them better than he could. he knew that. and besides, he owed her.. all of this. "FRODO CAN SHARE. BESIDES, HE MAY LIKE.. WINSTON, IS IT? you should bring him over sometime, if you'd like? we can take them for a walk. together. i mean.. them. if you'd like? only if you want to, it was.. huh, an idea." and who was blushing now? it was him and.. he found himself glancing upwards for a second. the words had been out before he could stop them.. right? "what? kramer? are you talking about kramer? he.. did he hurt you? afterwards? IF HE'S HERE? I SWEAR TO GOD, HE WON'T LAY A HAND ON YOU. I PROMISE. PSYCHOPATHS LIKE THAT SHOULDN'T BE ALLOWED TO WALK FREE." he was finding that.. it was kramer that he blamed for that night. for his friends, dead all over them. gabi. it was all him. he wrapped his arms around her tightly, almost not believing what he was seeing. the fact she was this scared? "IT'S OKAY. IT'S OKAY. YOU'RE SAFE, CEE. I'D NEVER LET ANYTHING BAD HAPPEN TO YOU." placing his hands on both sides of her face, shaking his head. "we won't ever be in that situation again and.. it's okay. i don't want you to feel guilty about anything. you did.. what you had to do. TO LIVE."
he had spent so long angry at her for it, but... it was the truth. wasn't it? and deep down, he would have always wanted her to be the one that survived. always. right? "i'm here. i am. it's me. i'm okay. nothing happened, i.. let me show you." he moved forward, deepening the kiss, as he wrapped his free arm around her waist, pulling her closer to him. the elevator seemed to be frozen in place but right now, it didn't matter. all that mattered was her and in this moment - how could he have ever thought of loving anyone else? SHE WAS IT, SHE WAS IT FOR HIM AND MAYBE, THIS WAS FOOLISH, BUT.. IT WAS THE TRUTH. HE COULDN'T HELP HOW HE FELT. i still love you. just like i did back then. maybe even more. i don't think i could ever stop, no matter how complicated and messed up everything else is. she.. was crying? no, he didn't understand any of this. did he? it seemed as if she was still the cecilia he knew but so, so different and.. what was this? he could have pulled back when he felt her tears against his cheeks and yet, he didn't. he continued kissing her, pressing her against the wall, moving his one free hand to whip the tears away, keeping the other one in hers. TIME SEEMED TO HAVE FROZEN STILL AND RIGHT NOW? THIS WAS ALL THERE WAS. THE TWO OF THEM. THE WORLD? IT DIDN'T MATTER. / @xtinyslip
#cecilia ; convo#cecilia ; parker#tw: mental health#tw: death mention#tw: kissing#omg i hit the word limit an annoying amount of times on this#had to cut some of it down :L
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